CHRISTMAS 2024

 ORIGNALLY PUBLISHED IN THE ROCKLAND COUNTY BUSINESS JOURNAL

As I sit at my new laptop computer (a relatively inexpensive model that I purchased for myself as a guilty pleasure) in front of a warm, raging fire (gas, but still) on this early, cold, gray Christmas morning my favorite Christmas movie plays in the background. My partner Amanda is asleep as is my other constant companion, our cat, Tuxedo Joe (and Stella, too). So, I can be alone with my thoughts – and my new computer.

The movie is “A Christmas Story”, the 1983 classic based on the childhood memories of growing up in a Cleveland suburb by the humorist, Jean Shepherd. It’s one of my favorite films on so many levels. It is well acted with great chemistry between the principals. It also has a great story line and message. And the writing? Oh, the writing! It is witty, crisp, and endearing. Some of the lines have become legendary. Who remembers: “you’ll shoot your eye out kid” or “it must be Italian, f-r-a-g-i-l-e"?

Also, the ethos of it reminds me of my own childhood. Even though it takes place at a time slightly before my own, there are enough similarities to that family and how they interacted among themselves and within their community to remind me very much of my own life growing up in a suburb of New York City, Fort Lee, NJ. The mother and father in the movie could have been my own. And the main character, Ralphie, and his brother could have certainly been me and my younger brother, Joe.

But, perhaps, most importantly, the ultimate message is a true Christmas one; cherish life’s moments, all of them. In the end, it’s all we have.

There is a scene in the movie when the young narrator, Ralphie, is taken in by the beauty of a Christmas morning snow dusting outside his bedroom window, secure in the knowledge that he is safe and warm at home with people whom he loves and who love him. And he opines, “all's right with the world.” The Italians have a similar saying “a di la.”  It’s a feeling, often all too fleeting, that for that one, singular moment, you are secure in your own time, place, and skin. It could be sharing a family moment on a Christmas morning, an unexpected message from an old friend, or a warm kiss on a cold morning It’s whatever fills our hearts with a feeling of well-being. It’s relishing the simple joy of living fully.

Oh, how we wish we could make them last, even just for a moment longer. But we can’t. That’s why it’s so important to not only savor these moments, but to continue to actively create them. The days of huge family dinners with my mother, father, grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins are long gone for me. That’s just the way my life turned out. But I refuse to dwell on the past. Treasure it? Yes. Regret its loss? Never. That’s why we need to continually make new moments to treasure, no matter how simple they may be - like a new computer, a roaring (gas) fire, a hot cup of coffee, a wonderful movie, and another Christmas to have lived.

Today's MOZEN: He Is NO Hero

 

It was right out of a Hollywood action/thriller Blockbuster. A top executive is coolly, efficiently, and brutally gunned down early in the morning in one of Manhattan’s busiest neighborhoods and at one of its most frenetic times of the year – The Holiday Season. The killing is perpetrated by a hooded, masked assassin who then calmly disappears into the New York morning, audaciously using a rented Citibike in his getaway.

However, it was not a movie. The brazen and brutal murder of United Health Care CEO, Brian Thompson, as captured by security cameras, is both shocking and disturbing. It really shows a cold-blooded assassination of an innocent man. Yes, I said innocent. And there within begins the New-Age paradigm of guilt not by fact, but by insinuation, association, and inuendo.

In today’s era of mass media participation, i.e. the internet, the reaction to the killing was both swift and, in many ways, telling of how we function as a society. This man’s wanton murder was soon used to make an indictment of his character BECAUSE of his profession – the head of a major Health Care provider. Some even elevated the assassin to hero status.

Now, at this point, let me make something perfectly clear; I am NOT a fan of the Insurance Industry in general and in the Health Care part of it in particular. No matter what their ads says about how much they care about people, their PRIME motivation is PROFIT. The exorbitant salaries of the leaders of these companies (like Mr. Thompson) are a testament to their companies’ wealth. As a photographer covering some of the large insurance companies’ annual meetings, I can assure you that they are ALL about the profit margin.

And the idea that a company we pay monthly and who makes enormous profits would/could/does deny life saving health to its customers is abhorrent. Something certainly needs to be done about this.

However, MURDER is NOT one of them!

Many, and I mean millions of people, have at least condoned this murder if not actually celebrated it. And I understand their frustration and anger. Virtually all of us, and some more so than others, have been stung by our Health Care Provider making it difficult, if not impossible, to pay for the care we legitimately need. Certainly, some have lost loved ones by being denied critical care or lifesaving drugs simply because of money. I know some of these people personally. It’s heartbreaking, incorrigible, and indefensible. The very idea that innocent people die based on decisions made by executives solely to increase their already ample salaries  makes me viscerally sick.

 

However, we cannot fall into the trap of yielding to our anger so easily, even when we believe it to be righteous. It is simply immoral to wish wanton violence on another human being, especially one that you know nothing more of than he makes a lot of money in a less than popular business. Again, it’s easy to focus one’s rage on a single individual rather than try to topple an entire industry. But that only further debases us, putting us on the same level as the people we’ve come to loathe.

Most of use are familiar with the Biblical saying, “An eye for an eye,” etc. And it certainly appeals to our sense of righteous rage. But there is a newer, more apt rendering of the ancient quote. It is often most attributed to Mahatma Ghandi:

“An eye for an eye just leaves the whole world blind.”

It’s the Holiday Season – you know, the one about “being of good cheer, Peace on Earth, Good Will to All, etc.”  But instead of being so caught up with the blatant commercialism of it all, take a moment to remember the REAL reason for the season. Again, those who are familiar with my writing will know this is not an endorsement of one religious practice over another (yes, it’s OK to say Happy “Holidays” because there are so many to celebrate). For me, it’s another chance to be better, to do things more compassionately and to allow more light into my life. Celebrating the taking of the life of another human being to soothe your sense of divine justice is simply wrong. We can do better.

Thanksgiving 2024

It rained last night. A lot. And man, did we need it. It had been a record-setting Autumn; beautiful but painfully dry. In fact, I think describing the season as desiccated would not be hyperbole.

When I saw the weather forecast called for virtually a 100% chance of rain for some time around 2 am that night (morning), I knew that I just had to be awake to witness it. After so long without rain, I wanted to see it, hear it, smell it, and, yes, FEEL it.

So, as a befitting a man of my age and retirement status, I took a nap that evening to prepare myself for the task at hand. The nap was probably unnecessary as my bizarre sleeping habits normally have me up at ungodly hours on a regular basis anyway. Be that as it may, I forged my way through all the late-night talk shows (at least the monologues) and the plethora of exploitive programs that I dis-affectionately refer to as Train Wreck TV.

At approximately 2 a.m. I lowered the TV to see if the forecasters were right for a change and listened closely. And, sure enough, the magic began. I heard it first, on the roof. It was slow and steady but as I continued to listen, now in silence with the TV off, the intensity increased until it became a steady drumbeat, more and more forceful. It was like the increasing intensity of a celestial symphony.

Then, I needed to see the rain. So, I went to the front door and swung it wide open. I was greeted by a blast of WET, cool, fresh air! I could see it now; small rivers running down my street. And I could smell it too, that fresh odor like the rain was washing everything clean again. Then I stepped out of the doorway into the night. I threw my arms wide in the air and let the rain pelt my face. How wonderful! Now I could FEEL it.

After letting the rain wash over me for a few blissful minutes, it was time to step back out of the rain and into the reality that soon I would be in our little home, snuggling in my cushy bed, safe, warm, and secure.

As I sunk deep into the comfort of my bed and pillows, I reflected on how much I must be thankful for. Despite the many trials each of us face (some more so than others) it’s important to take the time to evaluate the good things that are around us, even the smallest things that we often take for granted – like the return of the rain.

As a Sicilian-American, we had huge Thanksgiving feasts combining the best of American and Sicilian culinary traditions at my grandmother’s in Brooklyn. I was surrounded not only by my immediate family but by aunts, uncles, and cousins, too.  And the food! It was magical.

But those days are gone. Long gone. Many at the table have moved on to live only in my memory. But that is beyond my control. What is not is to choose to be thankful for what I DO have. So, we will have a small gathering at our place and feast with my partner Amanda, her sister and her partner, and my sister. I am forever thankful for their love and their presence in my life.

Simple. And simple is good.

My wish is that all of you find the simple things that make your life worth living. It may be in a friend, a kind word given or received, a good meal, the presence of a loved one or their memory. It might be something as simple as listening to the life-giving rain. You will find it if you try.

Modern Day Caesar

 First Published in The Rockland County Business Journal, November 2024

MODERN DAY CEASAR

I am not a historian but have been intensely interested in history, particularly that of ancient Rome, my entire life. I suppose part of that comes from the fact that I’m an Italian American, but it may also be partly due to watching too many bad gladiator movies as a kid on a Saturday afternoon. Be that as it may, it’s a fascination that continues to this day.

In my many years of reading and researching Rome and the Romans, I have always been struck by the similarities between that ancient society and our own. Their organization of government with a ruler, checked by a senate elected by the people, served as a basis of our own. Many of our laws are based on Roman law. The terminology so often applied in legal situations is the language of the ancient Romans: Latin. Even our National Slogan, E Pluribus Unum; from many, one In the Latin tongue, is taken from the Roman concept of a single, national identity.

Of course, I’m speaking of a time in Rome when it WAS truly a republic, i.e. in the time before the reign of Julius Caesar, THE most celebrated of all the Romans. The very name Caesar has been associated with the idea of RULER for over 2000 years.  In fact, there were modern-day derivatives like Kaiser, Czar (Tsar) taken from his name.

But the more you look at the MAN who was Caesar, the more there is to abhor, not idolize.

Caesar, using LOTS of money and skillful political maneuvering, managed to convince the most powerful force in Rome, i.e. The People, that giving him unlimited power would be to THEIR benefit and the everlasting glory of Rome. Instead, they lost their Republic.

And to cement the deal, under the guise of ROME FIRST, he killed MILLIONS both domestically and away from Italy to consolidate his power. If you were on HIS side, you shared in the wealth. If you were not, you were killed or enslaved. And that included individuals and entire societies. Either way, resistance was crushed and Ceasar got his everlasting “fame”.

All in the name of The Glory of Rome.

And she was glorious for a time until corruption, greed and graft, fueled by a relentless lust for power, brought her crashing down.

As there has been from the beginning, the parallels between the Roman Empire and the United States of America are once again in sharp focus.

We just had an election where a man who clearly sees himself as modern day Ceasar (I’m sure that he would LOVE the comparison), has managed to convince most Americans that if they follow him he will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

Donald J. Trump, echoing the mantra of Caesars past, has promised to close and secure our borders stopping the inflex of those who may be “poisoning our blood”,  a return to isolationism, and a new prosperity. In addition to winning a mandate from the public, he is assembling a Cabinet and group of advisers who will do nothing more than bend to his will to achieve this goals. Of course, it’s all being done, according to Mr. Trump and his sycophants, under the mantra of “America First”.

As Ceasar had done over 2000 years ago to the Romans, Mr. Trump has managed to convince millions of Americans that only through his elevation as supreme leader can we achieve lasting greatness. In other words, the two things are inseparable.

But, even if those promises were true, what price would you be willing to pay to achieve them? As with Caesar, Mr. Trump has promised retribution for those who may offer resistance. And it worked for Caesar. Will we suffer the same fate? Are we willing to relinquish our personal freedoms that we have so ardently fought for since the beginning of our very existence and as Country? All in the name of ONE man’s glory?

I cannot, will not, speak for others. But, as for me, I intend to do everything within my power to see that the loss of my freedoms, and that of others, will not be so easily given – or taken. All is not lost, unless WE allow it. And, that my friends, IS the American way.

We shall serve no Caesar.

 

 

Today's MOZEN: TACT

 

Originally Published in The Rockland County Business Journal, 10/13/2024

Winston Churchill once said, “tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip”.

Like most quotes that last, it says a lot in a single sentence.

There’s a beautiful simplicity in his use of language. In a way, it’s both vulgar and sublime. And, within that, lies its genius. It’s also clever, conveying a sense of humor that, despite a sharp edge, makes the statement palatable.

And, perhaps most importantly, it means that it is possible to intensely disagree with someone and still engage in civil discourse. It’s a skill that seems to be sorely lacking today.

There may be many reasons for this, not the least of which has been the incredible rise in our use of Social Media. Lately, there have been many studies demonstrating both the wonders and pitfalls of our love affair with the Internet. They seem to me to be both sides of the same coin.

On one hand, we have access to a world of information that is virtually limitless and unimaginable just a generation ago. There is almost nothing we can’t learn if we so desire. And our access to it is almost immediate. So fast in fact, that I believe all of us are guilty of impatience when we must wait for more than a few seconds for our computers to give us EXACTLY what we want.

On the other hand, there is also a sense of anonymity when we react with each other through the internet. It provides an electronic wall of protection that often allows us to say and do things we might not consider if done in a more personal and direct way. We can flash to anger when we see, read, or hear something that we adamantly disagree with and with a single key stroke, vent to one’s heart’s desire, i.e. instant gratification.

Sure, you might feel better in the moment, but did we really accomplish anything? Have we come to a greater understanding, even if we disagree? Unfortunately, I think not.

Lastly, Churchill’s statement suggests that we need not compromise our principles when debating with others, especially during a time of such fractured politics. However, it also allows for others to have the same rights to not relinquish theirs. And, in this crucial election year, it’s never been more important that we find ways to close what seems to be an ever-widening gap. One way, perhaps the only way, is to continue to engage in spirited, passionate, respectful dialogue.

Try a little tact too. It may go a long way.

 

Today's MOZEN: LIFE and DEATH LESSONS

With months to reflect on the death of my mother, Stella, my mind still swirls with a dazzling array of thoughts, feelings, and emotion.

Even as I write this, I pause frequently to dig deeper into both my conscious and subconscious mind. Still, they come so quickly and with such intensity, it becomes difficult to separate one impulse from another. This is why I have always appreciated the so-called stream of consciousness writers like Kerouac; if they felt it, they wrote it. Immediately.

Well, I'm no Kerouac and won't even try to be. But I'll do my best to share some of my more profound thoughts with you. Perhaps you will find some relevance.

First, don't cry for Stella. She lived and incredibly long life, passing just a few months short of her 100th birthday. And, for the great majority of that time, she experienced over-all good health and a full life, working while still raising a family. And she LOVED her family.

As my father, Joseph, died many years ago, I suppose that makes me an orphan at nearly 70.

And, although I made that statement with tongue somewhat in cheek, it is also having a profound effect on me now.

Even though I live a comfortable, almost privileged live, with a good roof over my head, a very adequate retirement fund that I worked a lifetime to achieve, a solid relationship with what's left of most of my family, a strong social calendar, and a wonderful woman to share the rest of my life with, there are times that I actually feel lonely.

Let me explain.

As I have also aged, with that aging comes the responsibility of taking YOUR turn to lead. I know that I have many people counting on me in many different ways. And I intend to deliver. It's my nature.

But, it also begs the question: where do I take my troubles when there is no one left to turn to?

You know, the type of things that ONLY your parents (if you had parents like mine) will understand, not judge, and give you the type of loving support only they can give. And, this is in no deference to your lover. It is important to share with them, too. However, there are truly some things that can only be understood by those who created you.

I don't have that anymore - and there are times that I could sure use it ( and please don't tell me to find god in religion)

I found myself in long, lonely conversations with them that are, generally speaking, one-way in nature! I suppose that means that they have planted the answers within me. I don't need to hear them again, only to accept them.

Still, I find myself in situations where I see something that Stella would like (like fresh plums from the farmer's market), thinking, "oh, I should get some for her", only to realize that she's not here.

The world keeps turning. Our immortality truly lies not in the erection of some marble statue in our honor, but in the little, daily memories that keeps someone alive in our hearts and minds.

There is one other recurring theme that keeps popping up into my head as well.

And, it ain't pretty - but it is REAL and doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing in the end.

When we're young, we are filled with images of death that are crafted to at least soothe the feeling of terror virtually every human being experiences at the thought of their own demise. It certainly still scares the shit out of me!

Most of these images are of our aging loved ones, at the end of their lives, grey, thin, and wasting, but still glowing, propped up in bed with comfy pillows and plush comforters, surrounded by appropriately somber loved ones. We held hands as our loved ones slowly and blissfully slipped into the other side.

What a crock of shit!!

Both of my parents met miserable ends.

My father died racked with the ravages of Alzheimer's, reduced to 114 lbs., virtually incapable of human communication.

He died in the middle of the night, alone, in a nursing home. We had no warning. I was informed by phone the next day.

My mother didn't fare much better. She spent the last year of her life bedridden, incontinent, insane, suffering from Lewy Body Dementia. If not for the herculean efforts of my older sister, she would have died in a nursing home, too. Instead, the small consolation was that she died alone in her sleep, but at least at home.

So, why share such terrible stories?

Well, it's not so much that I dwell on these things or use them to curry sympathy. That's not my style.

Rather, I'd like to share the positive that can be taken from such miserable situations. And that is to live life to the fullest EVERY DAY.

I know that we hear this so much that it is in danger of becoming trite. It can be - if you let it. Don't. Instead use it to look for the little(st) things that bring us pleasure, especially when WE ARE TOGETHER.

Moments don't have to be momentous to bring pleasure and memories that will last a lifetime - because we need them to.

DON'T WAIT. PARTICIPATE - IN LIFE!

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: When Magic Happens

It happened in a place and time when magic was still possible.

I believe that it was the ONLY place it could have happened.

Now, it only exists only in my memories.

It was the mid1980's and I had moved to the place that I would call my future and forever home - Nyack, NY.  I had come here because of my first job in television at a small, local cable television station where I produced and hosted what became a fairly popular magazine style program called "Eye On Rockland". It's hard for me to believe it, but occasionally someone will still recognizing me on the street for it today. My partner Amanda gets a real kick out of it!

Anyway, having lived in Nyack, I like, most of the other local urchins, frequented a select number of local bars including Eastwick's, The Old Fashioned, and, my personal favorite, O'Donoghue's. All of them had their distinct flavors (in every sense of the word) and I made regular rounds at all three. But, O'Donoghue's, a former speakeasy and the oldest family run bar in the County, was the place I went to for good food, cold beer, and GREAT conversation (I have another post devoted strictly to its wonderful and long history).

And so it was one summer evening. I was sitting in my favorite stool near the end of the bar so I could get a good view of what was happening in the place. I pretty much minded my own business but I'm an affable guy and if a good conversation lent itself, I was game. 

A tall, handsome in his own right, blonde man approached me as if he recognized me. As I was on TV (even small-time, it's still TV!) this was not entirely unusual. Strangely, I thought I recognized him from TV too! He seemed friendly enough so I engaged him.

It turned out that his WAS on a TV - a recurring role on a daily soap opera. He had also done some other acting in films and commercials. He told me his name but unfortunately it's now lost through time.

At one point, without any prompting, he said something that I have taken with me to this very day. It went something like this:

"I've seen your work. You have talent. You can make it. BUT, they won't make it easy for someone like you. Just don't quit."

I was flabbergasted. I did not know this man and he certainly did not know me. But he spoke with such honesty and sincerity. He had no reason to say such things. He wanted nothing from me except some conversation. He did not elaborate further but repeated it again. Having been so taken by that comment, I honestly don't remember details of the rest of our conversation.

Many years later, when I was working for CBS News on W57th Street, I actually saw him at the corner of W57th and 10th Ave. I understood that the apartment house on the corner was actually a subsidized building that provided apartments for aging actors. He must have been living there! I tried to get his attention but he disappeared behind the front door before I could reach him. Not remembering his name, I couldn't locate him on the registry.

I never saw him again.

But I never forgot him or what he said to me and I will be forever grateful. When I feel beat, spent, down, finished, I think of what he said.

Because, magic can happen - at the right time and place - if you believe.

Today's MOZEN: GO AWAY!

OK. So, here we are again, as if stuck in a scene from the film Ground Hog's Day where instead of a rodent, we're stuck with the image of Donald J. Trump.

Over and Over Again.

Saying the same lame things.

Over and Over Again.

He presents himself as a 12 year-old school yard bully would: blustering and bellowing, making idle threats, and, perhaps worst of all, inventing lame, insulting, juvenile names for his opponents.

No, she does not pronounce her name "18 different ways", she pronounces it one way: Ka-ma-la. 

I mean, seriously, what other adult human being does that?

He claims that she has a very low IQ after stumbling and bumbling over his words for half an hour to get to that point!

And, worse still, is that his crowd eats it up with a large spoon!

Using pejoratives is never the way to win an argument or even make a point, so I do my best to avoid them. Therefore, I will temper my response by using 2 words as a broader term to describe the seemingly blind fanaticism of his followers - willful ignorance.

There is no other rational explanation to me.

Again, I know, I'm preaching to the choir - and a small choir at that. Still, it needs to be said.

Over and over again.

Until he goes away.

Go KA-MA-LA!

 

Today's MOZEN: A CHALLENGE

Woman of the United States, the stars have finally aligned. It may have been a tortuous, circuitous path but DO NOT LOSE this opportunity to seize power now!

I challenge each and every voting American woman to stop complaining about the patriarchy and DO something about it!

Throw ALL of your support behind this intelligent, experienced, sassy, YOUNG, powerful woman.

You have the numbers. You've ALWAYS had the numbers. USE THEM effectively. Anything else is acceptance of failure.

If you recall the last time a woman ran for President (remember Hillary?), a very common refrain from other women was that they couldn't vote for her because she was an "arrogant elite". Unfortunately, that's used far too often to describe educated, aggressive, professional women. Please don't use it again.

We KNOW the consequences of our failure to elect a qualified woman. Remember 2016.

Women of America, unite behind Kamala Harris!

I know that I certainly will.

Today's MOZEN: FIGHT THE PARADOX!

All word and photos by F LoBuono

The more I think about it, the more I believe I've come to understand The Democratic Paradox.

It's certainly not a new concept, but perhaps because of the critical nature of the current threat to the latest version of American Democracy, it seems particularly important to understand it now.

The very nature, the essential essence of Liberal Democracy, is the absolute freedom of any individual to express their opinion on ANY subject, even to the detriment to the very system that allows that expression.

Yes, even if it means the destruction of the personal liberties at the very core of society itself.

This is the paradox.

But, it doesn't have to be this way - if we are wary.

We must remain vigilant for those who will use the system to break the system. They will come in the name of law and order: just as long as it's their law, their order. Those unwilling to comply will be eliminated, one way or the other.

And, this is not hyperbole. It has happened many times in the past and is threating to happen again. See PROJECT 2025.

Democracy, American Democracy is at stake. Don't be bullied by those who will use the flag to beat you over the head with. Being a Liberal Democrat doesn't mean you have to stand there and take it! 

Democracy is NOT a spectator sport.

Fight The Paradox!

VOTE. VOTE. VOTE.