MEMORIAL DAY REFLECTIONS 2025

 

F LoBuono

Another Memorial Day has come and gone. My feelings towards that day, which have always been profound, have become even more so. They have certainly evolved and deepened over the years and continue to. And, in some ways, that evolution has brought me to a place of emotional conflict.

First, as is the case with most things in our overly commercialized society, the day has become literally a holiday filled with barbeques, beer, and a 3 day weekend for most. Throw in a parade with some fire engines, loud motorcycles, vintage military vehicles, a marching band or 2, some grey-haired men walking stiff-legged in old, ill-fitting uniforms, flags flying and we’ll call it a celebration. Instead, it was to intended to be solemn day when we take the time to honor those who have fallen in one the many armed conflicts this Country has endured in its 250 year history. The loss of any human being is NEVER an ultimate cause for celebration, especially of those taken in wars not of their own doing.

The challenge for me is in finding a way to honor these people who have made the ultimate sacrifice while at the same time not glorying what took them in the first place, i.e. war. You see, in an effort to rightfully acknowledge the depth of what it means to fall in conflict, there is a danger of romanticizing the use of violence as a means to a just end – ANY end. For example, there is a plethora of Hollywood movies praising the efforts of the Allies to defeat the Nazis and Fascists in WWII. Of course, our victory over such an evil foe is rightfully seen as just and necessary. But we must NEVER forget the terrible toll war takes, not only on the vanquished but on the victors as well. My father and uncle, both WWII combat veterans and proud members of The Greatest Generation, frequently suffered with the symptoms of PTSD.

I also think of 2 other friends who were combat veterans not taken IN war but BY war. And that war was Vietnam. Having seen the horrors of jungle warfare thousands of miles from their homes, all for a cause that was hard even for THEM to justify, proved too much to bear. Both died by their own hands years after their service, one by suicide and the other to a drug overdose. Both were among the finest men I have ever known.

And there is no shortage of other violence being committed in just causes all over the world. Without taking sides for this article, one just need to look to the Middle East and Gaza to see the horrors of war – with both sides claiming the so-called Moral Justification for slaughtering one another!

When will it end? How can it end?

For me, it will be when we stop glorifying violence as a means to end. ANY violence. And we see it not only on a grand scale, i.e., among nations, but within individuals too. The most recent examples are the wanton murders of an insurance executive in New York City and of a young Jewish couple in Washington, D.C. Both accused murderers have professed that these killings were in response to “larger, social issues” and they were justified in their actions. Furthermore, others (many) agree that their actions were necessary in a bigger picture sense. Some have even see them as “heroes” or “liberators”.

Really?

These people are not to be congratulated or lauded! They are cold-blooded killers whose actions CANNOT be justified on ANY level. There can be no positive outcomes associated with such actions. There is only the deaths of innocent people.

Yet even as we speak of the horrors of war, conflicts in Gaza, Ukraine, Sudan and too many other places around the world are raging. Some are fighting for their freedom, others their particular ideology, or religion. Whatever the case may be, each side sees their own justifications for their own causes (think Dylan’s “With God On Our Side”).

It has gotten to the point where I question whether violence is inherent in our very DNA. Is it within our nature to resort to violence to achieve our goals? I am certainly not the first one to debate this as an issue. Others more highly qualified than me have attempted to answer this question. However, I must think that despite our base nature, we are also capable of sublime thought. This is what many eastern philosophies refer to as mindfulness, i.e. a state of awareness that we are all part of a greater whole that allows us to reach a inner peace and wholeness that radiates from our very core. But this takes effort and an unshakable belief that love, in the end, does indeed conquer all. And we must not have fear in our conviction to peace.

Resist violence in all forms. Understand that anger is a real emotion. NO human lives without it. However, acknowledge it and then place it where it belongs. I use this as my guide. It is attributed to Gandhi:

“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”

 

Born Different

 

F LoBuono

I was born left-handed. I had no choice in the matter, it just was. As simple as that seems to most, it does qualify me as just a little bit different. Only about 10% of the world’s population uses their left hand as their dominant one. That MAKES you different than “most.” And I was keenly aware of that from a very young age.

Right from the beginning, even ordinary tasks were more difficult for me because it is such a right-handed world. Some of the simplest things could confound me. Scissors, soup ladles, notebooks and so many more items are all made to be used most effectively with the right hand. Because I just could not use these tools effectively, working with them was often a frustrating experience. It made me feel uncoordinated and awkward. And to make matters worse, people were always around to make sure that I was reminded of that! Even writing is more difficult for lefties. As a right-handed person puts pen to paper, the words appear AS you write them down. We “lefties” must use that weird bend at the elbow as we create our script. Otherwise, our hand covers the words so that we can’t actually SEE what we are writing and the words wind up all over the page!

As a young man I loved to play baseball. As my birthday is in the Spring, every year my father would take me to a sporting goods store to pick out a new glove for a gift. But when we went to the store, there were hundreds of mitts – for righties – and a few, mostly for 1^st base use only, for lefties. And THAT was because lefties were limited to just pitching, playing the outfield, or 1^st base. The NATURE of the game is to be played mostly by right-handed people.

When I went to college at Rutgers University, I always had to get to the larger lecture hall classes early to make sure that I could get a seat. And, it wasn’t because there weren’t enough of them. In fact, there were hundreds. The issue was that out of those hundreds, only a handful were designed to be used by left-handed people.

Even the very word, “left” has a bad, if not downright evil connotation. It even says so in scripture: Those who are good, a.k.a., the righteous, and sit at the RIGHT hand of good will be exalted. The ones on the left will be cast out. In Italian, as taken from the Latin, the word for left is SINISTRA, i.e., sinister. Hell, lefties even have a shorter lifespan because they die at a far higher rate in accidents. Why? Because they are often out of place in such a righty dominated world.

All these things were always in the back of my mind. Why was I different? Why would people often make fun of my awkwardness? Perhaps I should try to use my right hand more. It sure would be easier.

Then, as a teenager, I read a book that changed that perspective – and life. It was called Lefties. The Origins and Consequences of Being Left-handed by Jack Fincher. Within the pages, the author explained the scientific basis for the dominant use of one side of our bodies over another. Within that science he further explained that because our creative centers our located in the part of the brain that controls left side dominance, many, if not most, of the great Renaissance masters like Leonardo and Michelangelo were left-handed. Many US Presidents in recent memory have been left-handed. Some of our greatest athletes like Babe Ruth are as well. In other words, our difference was not our weakness. Rather, it was a strength – a uniqueness to be admired! And it changed me.

I was no longer awkward in my difference. Instead, I celebrated it. I was PROUD that I was just a little bit different.

I write this in honor of Pride Month and to all my friends and family who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. In the smallest of ways, I understand your struggle, what it is like to be just a bit different. In fact, by most studies the percentage of people identifying as “gay” is about the same as those who are left-handed (7-10%). And I hope that if you haven’t already, you find a book, person, event, or moment that celebrates your difference. And since words matter, let’s change difference to uniqueness. It’s OK to be both. In fact, I kinda’ like it.

 

TAKE PRIDE

 

Words and Photo by F LoBuono

June is PRIDE MONTH when we celebrate out brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, friends and lovers from the LGBTQ+ community. We also acknowledge how far we’ve come together while at the same time realizing how far we have still to go to achieve true, universal acceptance, especially under the very real threats posed by the current administration’s draconian anti-DEI policies.

I am very fortunate to live in a village that not only embraces the LGBTQ+ community but also exalts in their presence. It is no accident that the Phyliss B. Frank Rockland County Pride Center is in that village: Nyack, NY. In fact, we live only a block away. And that mutual admiration and solidarity was never more apparent than this past Sunday, June 8^th, during Nyack’s PRIDE DAY parade and celebration.

The streets of Nyack were filled with joyful, happy, peaceful, REAL people of ALL shapes, sizes and sexual persuasion – ALL kinds of people. And it was wonderful. What a pleasure it was to be in the presence of people who could express themselves fully in a completely safe environment. Yes, the village provided amble and necessary security but within the community present there was not even a hint of violence, resentment OR judgement. It was a palpable feeling of wellbeing, again for EVERYONE.

In addition to the parade that included marching bands, groups expressing their solidarity, people in fantastic (literally) costumes, and, of course, Dykes on Bikes, the streets were lined with vendors offering arts, crafts and useful information. Inspiring, defiant speeches by Rockland County Pride Center Executive Director, Brooke Malloy, and others were given from the village square. But what impressed me most was the fact that so many people could be together in complete peace, harmony, AND joy. EVERYONE was free to be who they CHOOSE to be. And what the hell is wrong with that?

At one point as I was traveling through the festival, I found myself pacing next to Mark Mangan. Mark does an incredible job organizing and coordinating the many street fairs and public events that Nyack has become famous for. I don’t know Mark very well but well enough to know that we share many similarities including our working-class mentality and love of community. Anyway, he was walking briskly and smiling broadly. As we came side by side, I offered my congratulations on another wonderful Nyack event. He said, “thanks” and then added, “isn’t this great?” I replied, “it most certainly is. And the best part is that it’s SO easy!” “Yup, live and let live” was Mark’s response.

We shared a moment that I think so many others also did during that wonderful day; people are just people, and they come in all shapes, sizes, and lifestyles. This is not weakness. Quite to the contrary, our diversity is our strength. People who may choose to look or live on a path different from ours ultimately have NO effect on OUR choice. And that’s yet another reason to support the LGBTQ+ community. It’s not just about them. It’s about us – and the choices we all make. We just need to make sure that we never lose the freedom to do so – on any level or to any person. The Pride flag is a rainbow for a reason. Embrace it.