When You Think About It: Blind and Toothless

Words and photo by F LoBuono

It was one of the most shocking pieces of video that I have ever seen: security camera footage of a young man, tall, dark, and athletic enters a busy piazza in Sri Lanka. He is strides casually into the square, wearing a fully loaded back back. As he passes a young girl holding hands with her mother, he pats her gently on her head. He continues his sojourn seemingly without a care in the world. After he crosses through the square, he enters the side entrance of a church packed with Easter Sunday worshipers. Then, the video is abruptly stopped as the young man detonates the massive bomb he was carrying in his back pack.

How could a young man, seemingly so full of life, apparently without ANY fear or trepidation, so wantonly, so readily, blow himself and countless other innocent victims literally into smithereens?

By what means do we combat an enemy so ready to not only sacrifice their own lives but take so many others with them? How does another human being become so indoctrinated into a culture of hate that they would use the very words of their own Prophet to commit the most heinous acts? The people who perpetrate these acts are NOT monsters. They are human beings - they have mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. They are capable of not only feeling hate, but love, as well. AND, obviously, they are so committed to what they believe that they are not only willing to die for their cause, but to kill without remorse, too.

Well, it's easy to say, "kill them all". But, this just perpetuates the hate THEY use to fuel their doctrine of malevolence. Then, we are left with an endless cycle of violence. To paraphrase Gandhi in reference to the biblical definition of revenge: An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth only leaves the world blind and toothless - not a very appealing prospect.

There just has to be a better way - if we have the courage to find AND, follow it. Jesus showed us when he said "turn the other cheek". Martin Luther King refined it by saying: "darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

We MUST find the light. It is our only hope . . . 

Today's MOZEN: We Just Lack The Will

Vanessa Pena/Associated Press

A fire recently devastated the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. Begun over 800 years ago, architecturally, artistically, culturally, and emotionally, it is one of the most important religious sites in the world, particularly for Roman Catholics. Its loss would be incalculable. Fortunately, although extensively damaged, the massive stone walls and much of the interior, including its famous stained glass survived, enabling the possibility of a complete restoration. However, the repairs will be massive and costly.

As of the writing of this post, hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions, plus some of the richest people in the world, have already pledged nearly a $ billion to the cathedral's rebirth. And, the amount is growing even as I write. It demonstrates the emotional connection people from all over the world had to this church. It cannot be ignored and the effort to save it is to be applauded.

However, at the same time, we need to put things in perspective here. Think about the outpouring of support. In a matter of hours, aid was pouring in for, ostensibly, a building. I know more than JUST a building, but a physical "thing" non-the-less. It cannot feed or house the poor. It cannot repair the damage to Puerto Rico. It cannot provide clean water for the children of Flint. It cannot end the famine in Yemen. Think of all the human beings who could be saved with that kind of money and attention. HUMAN BEINGS.

I suppose my point is that we always seem to find the money and make the effort for the things we deem MOST important. It's WHAT we deem such that is worth looking in to. Events like this show us that NO ONE need go thirsty or hungry. NO ONE need be homeless. NO ONE need live in fear. We simply lack the will to make it happen . . . 

Today's MOZEN: The Dead Horse

Just because you haven't heard enough about the Robert Mueller Report on Russian interference in the 2016 election and what role, if any, Donald Trump and others in his administration may have played, I thought that, just for a change (nod-nod-wink-wink), I might add my two cents worth to the debate.

I suppose how you view the 448 page report depends on what side of the so-called aisle your sentiments lie. And, since the report is heavily redacted and somewhat difficult for a novice to read, ones' opinion of it is colored by the lens in which it is viewed.

In what is certainly an over-simplification, supporters of Mr. Trump claim that since the President was not indicted for collusion by the report, he has been vindicated. As he put it, the illusion/collusion is no more. However, Mr. Trump's opponents rail that this is NOT the case - Mueller presented ample examples of possible collusion and, furthermore, obstruction of justice in his attempts to derail the investigation. Apparently, Mr. Mueller felt his duty was to report on the President and not indict him, leaving that for an act of Congress.

I am not a legal scholar, lawyer, or political scientist. Therefore, I will not debate the legal ramifications of the document. I'll leave that to others. However, I feel safe to say that the report did not change a damned thing for me. In fact, if anything, it reinforced my opinion of this President: he is a bully, a braggart, liar, and thief. He ran his campaign like he runs his administration - with fear, confusion and intimidation. A culture of lying became de rigueur within the White House and continues to this very day. The President's Press Secretary, Sarah Sanders, was specifically mentioned for her bald-faced dishonesty. His minions either ignored him or covered him on more than one occasion to save his sorry ass from self-inflicted damnation! It paints a picture of a man in so far over his head that he is actually looking out of his ass.

Even if he is eventually shown by Congress to have perpetrated illegal acts or not, it will never change, at least for me, the fact that he is a person of poor character and low moral fiber. He is willing to break any rule to win, at least as he sees winning. Sometimes something may be legal while at the same time being immoral. And, in my opinion, all we are doing now is beating the proverbial dead horse. He was a poor excuse for a human being then and still is. The report really changed nothing.

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: Goodbye Old Friends.

F LoBuono

It was like losing a bunch of old friends, ones that I had spent so much of my childhood and young adulthood with. They taught me many things and took me on countless adventures to exotic locals all over the world. They made me laugh and they made me cry. They entertained me when I was lonely and filled me when I was empty. They made me think and, most importantly, they made me FEEL. There was Jack, Ernest, F. Scott, William, Virgil, Kurt, Hunter, Alan, Mary, Carson, Harper, Robert, Herman, Thomas and too many more to mention. I am a lucky man to have so many to call "friend".

Yet, I never met any of them personally, but still felt like I knew them all intimately. Each one contributed to the man I am today.

But, there came a point when I simply could not keep them anymore.

Of course, I'm talking about my books.

Recently, I sold my house which means downsizing. Even though I hadn't lived in the house for nearly 7 years, I was still storing some of my personal belongings there. And, that included my rather extensive collection of books. I had so many covering topics from history to motorcycles. Many were paperbacks but still others were rare bound editions. They encompassed a lifetime of learning and mental stimulation. I knew I could count on them to comfort me in times of trouble and make me laugh when I needed it most. The answered my questions and peaked my curiosity. But, at some point, physically, they simply take up space - a luxury I no longer had. In the years since I moved to my apartment I had already filled it to near maximum. Priorities needed to be set or there would be no living space left to have. Storing boxes of books, already read many times over and mostly collecting dust now, could not be justified. They just had to go.

But, the question remained: how could I dignify the passing of so many good friends?

Simply dumping them was not a viable option.In fact, the thought of treating them with such disrespect was anathema to me. They deserved a better fate.  I considered taking them to the old book store in town or to the local library but it seemed to me that they had their own issues with recycling books. Then, it occurred to me that I live in a village loaded with erudite people. And, my apartment is located very close to a busy bus stop. So, I took 2 crates loaded with my friends and placed them near the bus stop. Of course, I added a sign "FREE BOOKS TO GOOD HOME" to further entice perspective takers.

Well, in less than a day, the crates where empty. And, for good measure, the crates where gone, too! I can only hope that my good friends did, indeed, find their way into new, worthy homes where they will experience new life providing those families with the same life lessons I hold so dear.

Today's MOZEN: Let's Be Real

F LoBuono

Recently, former Vice President, Joe Biden, was accused of inappropriate touching by at least two women. Even though neither suggested that Mr. Biden's behavior was sexual in nature, the women felt that their personal space had been violated in a way that made them uncomfortable to say the least. The act involved Mr. Biden holding their shoulders and planting a kiss on the back of their heads during public events they attended together.

Perhaps, a few years ago, these incidents may have been seen as if not insignificant, then certainly harmless. But, we are now in the era of the #MeToo Movement, a time for zero tolerance for any type of sexual predation. And, some women saw Biden's behavior within that paradigm. However, many others saw it in a different light, i.e. his behavior may have produced an awkward moment for those women but questioned if it rose to the level of abuse.

Although I can see this from both points of view, I tend to side more those who see it as awkward or even inappropriate, but hardly abusive. And, I believe that a reasonable compromise can be reached.

I do empathize with the women. No one should be touched if they do not want to be. As a matter of fact, growing up, my parents emphasized to me that no one was EVER to touch me without my permission. Ever. They felt so strongly about it that it is one of the reasons I was never tattooed - NO ONE was to mark my body. So, if you touched me without my permission, we were going to fight. Plain and Simple.

However, I also came from a Sicilian-American family, i.e. a culture that is built upon open displays of affection. ALL the women in my family were huggers and kissers - so much so that we often tried to hide from them to avoid the constant barrage of lips and arms! And, the men were almost as dedicated to physical affection as they were. My father was always pinching or prodding me, one of my cousins, or friends as a way of conveying his friendship and love. His teasing was NEVER sexual in nature and most people saw it for what it was - a simple display of warmth and tenderness. But, not EVERYONE did and my mother constantly reminded him of this saying, "Joe, stop it! You don't know what the kid's reaction will be." He would respond, "I'm just having fun." She countered, "well, that's YOU - not them".

And, she was right.

Some kids screamed with laughter and glee while others seemed to almost recoil in horror. Adults (whom he often responded to in similar fashion) might react the same way. Obviously, it is NOT for everyone. Therefore, EVERYONE'S personal space should be respected - not just girls and women, but boys and men, too. But, remember, my father and Mr. Biden (Biden is 76 and my father, if he were alive, would be 100) are from different eras when the way we saw these moments were viewed very differently. So, they were expressing THEIR reality in a way they were taught was basically harmless, at least in their own minds.

Furthermore, let's be real here: there is no moral equivalence between what Joe Biden and Joe LoBuono (my father) did and that perpetrated by the likes of Harvey Weinstein (allegedly) and Bill Cosby (convicted). They used their power and influence to take advantage of their victims. Tenderness, affection, and support, I believe, never entered their minds. My father and Mr. Biden may be described as impish while predatory more accurately describes the others.

Look, times change and they SHOULD. What may have been funny and harmless a few years ago now may seem insensitive and boorish - wearing Blackface as a costume or joke immediately comes to mind. So it is with touching. It is now (if it EVER was) inappropriate, even with the best of intentions, to lay your hands on another person without their permission. And, it's not really hard to do. It just takes a little bit of mindfulness exhibited by ASKING if its OK or, alerting others that if you do make that mistake, they should please inform you IMMEDIATELY that it is making you uncomfortable. In this way, BOTH people may be satisfied. If you are naturally affectionate and show it through touching, you may do so while at the same time respecting another's personal space and needs. Because we need both: the human connection brought on by a gentle, reassuring touch and the respect for others by knowing that others may not feel exactly the same way.