Today's MOZEN: ANGER

 ANGER

It's as powerful as any emotion a human being can experience. It can be every bit as compelling as compassion. In fact, for many if not most, it is even more so because it seems to come so quickly and easily. Anger is often our very first response to even the most minor transgressions, actual or simply perceived.

At least that's the case with me.

And, it seems I'm awfully angry these days.

I'm angry at BIG things, like the state of the world, especially here in America. Our national ethos has been hijacked by a bilious, bellicose, bloated, bloviating, blowhard of a man and his equally degenerate minions. Donald J. Trump's reign of ineptitude, cruelty, and misanthropy is due to end in just a matter of weeks. However, I feel the damage is done. And, sadly, his vindictiveness has only accelerated in the fading light of his failed administration.

I'm outraged that over 70 million of my fellow Americans found ANYTHING worthy in voting for that egomaniacal bully. I've lost friends over it. Long time friends. And, because I AM so angry, I don't give a shit. Fuck them.

THAT'S ANGER.

And, I'm pissed at this fucking virus, too.

COVID-19 and its corresponding pandemic has affected everyone and I believe it safe to say none for the better. All have suffered at least some. And, some have suffered all - the loss of livelihoods and loved ones. I'm sick and tired of staying mostly alone, cooped up in my small, lonely little apartment because of it. I want to get back to my life. Small as it my have been before, at least it was something. If I never hear the word COVID ever again it will be too fucking soon.

But, I'm also get enraged over smaller, more personal things, too.

I'm sick and tired of my failed personal relationships. I'm angry that, in my heart, I give a lot to people and don't get all that much in return. I'm resentful that I spend hours writing my heart out to only have a handful take the time to read my shit while others churn out commercial crap to great accolades. I'm resentful of their success and tired of being jealous.

Greedy, selfish fucking people can go to hell, too.

And, just to get even more petty, I even fume with the fact that the couple who live in the apartment next to mine have a toddler which means I virtually have to make an appointment if I want to do a laundry in the COMMUNAL washroom.

And, you'd better not even think of taking my parking spot which I took hours to clean the snow from. They'll be hell to pay.

Even my cat grooming too much can send me into a rage!

It all seems so trivial and trite.

Yet, at the same time, it is so REAL.

I'm even angry that I'm SO ANGRY!

Drinking and drugging don't help (well, actually they do - a little). Even writing it out only provides limited, temporary relief. Isolation only sinks me deeper into this funk. But, at least it keeps me from inflicting my wrath upon others. That's got to be worth something.

Look, no one gives a shit for my problems. Nor should they. We all have are own little crosses to bear. And, because I'm angry, I don't give a shit if they do or they don't. And, there within lies the ol' Catch 22 - in other words, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Anger becomes a self-perpetuating emotion. The more we feel it, the more angry we become until it overwhelms all other emotions and it devours us.

And, I don't want to be consumed by my own anger. Anger only leads to hatred. I believe in love, light, and compassion. Transcendence to enlightenment is the only true path.

Now, if I could only find a fucking way to get there. . .