Excerpts from Gary Blum's new book, "I wasn't fired I'm on vacation".

For every reader who was ever been fired, let go, screwed over, downsized, outsourced, looking for a job…and who hasn’t been? Or, if you know someone who has, then you will what to check out this book. It will make you laugh, hopeful, and actually offer some useful advice. "I wasn't fired I'm on vacation." Available for all eBook readers at Barnes & Noble & Amazon. Some

Excerpts:

HIDING FROM THE TRUTH

As if losing your job wasn’t bad enough, now you have to figure out how to tell everyone. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it today. You did read the title of this chapter, didn’t you? Hiding from the truth that you are now unemployed can be simple. At first, it’s easy to hide, except from your immediate family. Unless they’re not around during the day, because they all have jobs. Then you can just hang around your house or apartment and lounge around in your bathrobe all day in solitary splendor. But if the kids are home, or your neighbor works the night shift, you’re going to have to come up with an excuse. Fast. Luckily, we have prepared a list for you, because frankly, we just have too much time on our hands. 6 EASY EXPLANATIONS FOR WHY YOU ARE HOME: 1. Waiting for the cable guy* 2. Dog threw up 3. You threw up 4. Car won’t start 5. Cat ran away, and you have to be home in case someone calls to say they found it. 6. The cable guy is coming This final one is the perfect excuse because if you have ever had your cable go out, not only can you be put on hold for hours, but if you hang up, you’ll lose your place in line. If and when you get through to a human who doesn’t hang up on you by accident, it can take days for the repairman to show up. And if you are not home between the hours of the crack of dawn until the first blue moon, you’re put at the bottom of the list.

THE RESUME…OR CREATIVE WRITING 101

Writing my resume? Nothing to it. Just take 25 to 30 years of my life and boil it down to one page. Easy. How difficult could it be to summarize my existence? At first, I wondered how I was going to fit my entire career on one page. The triumphs, the travails, the fortunes made, usually for other people. There was plenty to write about, I must have more than enough for one little page, more like enough for a book! Three hours later, I had typed my name. Centered. Then I tried the left margin. Then, the right. Then, back to center. Another three hours later, I figured I’d worry about the format later...first things first. I’d do the easy stuff. “Let’s see...I graduated from college in ...with a degree in…” I thought to myself, “Not bad, it’s all coming together. What clubs or organizations did I belong to?” I couldn’t think of any. “You’ll get back to that,” I reassured myself, “Let’s see my first job was at such and such. Hmmm, maybe I’d better leave that out. I was only there for 3 months, and didn’t accomplish anything. That’s not true, I learned how to make a great cup of coffee and look busy. OK...my second job...no, I better leave that out...my third...What was it?”