Today's MOSTLY TRUE STORY: Hanging on by a Toe

 

Many years ago, a lifetime, really, when I was still married, I had, like most couples in the beginning of their relationships, all the unbridled passion that comes with the promise of a new and, perhaps, everlasting love.  You simply can't get enough of one another. And, I mean that not only esoterically but literally, too. In other words, if we got any closer, she'd have been behind me.

However, over the course of time, that zest to be constantly pressed together, particularly when sleeping, let's say - matures. We discover that sometimes it just too hot to be too close. Or, you're too restless. Perhaps, she forgot to brush her teeth (or, you did yours!) and you just can't take being that close to her breath (or she your breath). Maybe, you have to fart (hey, it's human). Sometimes, you just need some of your own space. This was particularly true in our relationship as we were not kids when we married; I was in my 40's and she had been married previously and had 3 sons.

Sure, you still spoon. Affection does not wain. And, you might even have that rush of youthful lust and desire - at least on occasion! In a busy world that too often keeps us apart, it's essential that we do share moments of literal closeness. Hugging is cool.

So, I believe that I had come up with a type of compromise between the need for physical bonding with the desire for our own space: I would stay in my own area of the bed but still at least rap my foot around hers while we slept. And, I would keep it there for the entire night. Sure, we often spooned but I ALWAYS had at least that little contact with our feet. No matter how difficult the day may have went between us, including some ugly spats, when we went to bed that night, I rapped my foot around one of hers. It, for me anyway, provided that connection, not matter how tenuous, that bonded us. Sometimes, at the end of a particularly combative encounter, I was barely holding on - usually by just a toe - but something.

As long as I had that connection - SOME connection - even by the proverbial thread, i.e. toe - I knew that a bond still existed between us.

There came a time when we really began to struggle in our relationship. I guess I could come up with plenty of reasons why but, in the end, I suppose it came down to us stop being the priorities in each others' lives. Every other reason becomes irrelevant. Still, we were still sleeping together - distant emotionally, but together. 

And, I was still hanging on - desperately - by that toe.

Then, one night, she pulled her foot away. No matter how I tried to hook her foot, she was not having it. The message was clear. Not even a toe to hang on to. Gone. Nothing. It was over. And, it was.