Today's MOZEN: A Valentine's Day Reflection

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Words and photo by F LoBuono

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone. It's not one of my favorite holidays. Like most, it has become overly commercial, only more so. I suppose that may be because it was a manufactured one in the first place. A Hallmark executive came up with a brilliant marketing idea to sell greeting cards during the lull between Christmas and Easter. So, they took an obscure Christian holiday and turned it into a confectioners wet dream. Besides, I simply detest commercial crap. Plus, I've always hated the idea that someone should tell me when I HAVE to tell someone that I love them.

However, like fine wine and good cheese, I've mellowed with age. I've reassessed my attitude toward certain behaviors. I still hate over-commercialized crap. And, I eschew being told what to do - always. But, I've eased my condemnation of Valentine's Day. I suppose that any day dedicated to love and lovers can't be all that bad.

Still, for many, it's not all chocolate, wine, and roses. Like any holiday that is made more poignant when shared with a loved one, a Valentine's Day spent alone can prove quite the opposite, i.e. a very lonely experience. Instead of basking in the light of love, a person can wallow in the depths of despair. They are reminded of a love lost, rather than one gained. There is no celebration - only melancholy.

But, it need not be this way. It's all in the way we view life, love, and loss.

The Buddhists may provide the clearest path to this type of enlightenment. I consider myself a closet Buddhist - that is, I've studied just enough of it to form a dangerous opinion as to what it may mean and how it may work. You may look at my approach as Buddhism for Dummies. I study as much of it as I can absorb and use what works best for me. With that in mind, there is one concept that I am most fond of and refer to more than any other. And, that is mindfulness. I understand it to mean an intense awareness of everything that surrounds us and how all things are connected. When we become mindful to the point that ALL things are equal we will have become enlightened, i.e. we will have achieved salvation. In this state of being, pleasure and pain are the same - they just ARE. It brings an acceptance that sets us free - totally. There is no more longing, no more of the "wishing that things were different" that causes us conflict and, therefore pain. It's a hard concept to understand, much less practice. But, I believe, it can work.

How does mindfulness help us cope with the longing that comes with loneliness? It cannot bring back someone who has been lost to us. So, how can it ease the aching within our hearts? How can it possibly help? It can if we ACCEPT life on its terms rather than on the terms we create for ourselves. Then, we will become free. We accept that our lives on earth are finite. We accept that our physical relationships with everyone and everything are finite. We accept that life IS impermanent. And, when we are mindful, when we achieve enlightenment, we have understood that concept in totality. We LET GO in a way that is completely liberating. Pain disappears. Longing disappears. Clinging disappears. Only clean, pure thought remains.

And, it is beautiful.