Today's MOZEN: Bully-in-Chief.

F LoBuono

When I was a kid, both of my parents taught me how to deal with bullies. They encouraged me to walk away from violence whenever possible but, at the same time, if teased, I was never to lose face to the point of embarrassment. And, it was never acceptable to allow anyone to place their hands on me. If anyone violated these criteria, I was to fight back with all I was worth. And, I did - rarely winning a fight (if ever) but certainly establishing that I was not to be trifled with, either. They also taught me how to recognize bullies when I should see one. And, I was to pay them the same respect they showed others - NONE. And, it didn't matter who the bully was or what position they might hold. Respect is earned, not given freely. They certainly would never get mine! So, I know a bully when I see one.

And, I see our President, Donald J. Trump as the consummate bully. In fact, based on his behavior, one could call him the Bully-in-Chief.

Everything about him screams that moniker!

There have been many incidents proving my claim including (for just a sampling) his brutal attacks on Hillary Clinton, a disabled reporter, reporters and the press in general, Jeff Sessions, Reince Preibus, and too many others to list. In classic bully fashion, he uses his position as the most powerful man on the planet by attempting to reduce ANYONE who may disagree with him into a quivering mass of jelly.

His latest diatribe has been to insult (if not verbally assault) Puerto Ricans in general and the mayor of San Juan in particular. It seems that the fact the island has been virtually destroyed in the wake of 2 hurricanes is no excuse to beg for help from an administration that, until VERY recently, has largely ignored it. He actually called out the mayor, an incredibly accomplished and compassionate woman, for poor leadership despite the fact that she has been ubiquitous throughout the crisis while the President has been seen playing golf at his private club. Then, to add insult to injury, he chided Puerto Ricans themselves for not being self-sufficient enough! "They went everything done for them when it should be a community effort", he tweeted.

Really.

Only a fleshy, over-bearing insensitive, privileged, insolent cad would think of kicking an entire island while it was down!! In other words - BULLY.

They say that we must respect the Office of the President. I say, BULL SHIT. I don't respect anyone simply because of the position they hold. I do so by the strength of their character. I don't give a shit if a person lives on the street - if they do so with honor and integrity then they have my respect. And, conversely, if a wealthy CEO is callous and abusive (like Mr. Trump), they have only earned my scorn.

No. As I would not have Mr. Trump as a friend or even confidant, I would certainly not have him as MY President. He may have the title - but, he does not have my respect.

Today's MOZEN: A Struggle for the Soul

F LoBuono

If you think the current protest by some NFL players who kneel during the playing of our National Anthem to highlight racial inequities in this Country is simply about football, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn that I would like to sell you. The reason the debate rages almost unabated is because the stakes are nothing less than the very Soul of America.

It seems that ever since the last election our Country has been divided into two distinct camps. On one side, there are the unwavering supporters of President Trump and the current administration. They tend to be white, less educated, and more conservative. They have a distinct vision of where America should stand - in everything - and, that's first. On the other, we have a group that is virulently anti- Trump and his agenda. They tend to be more ethnically diverse and progressive in their thinking. They, of course, have their own vision for America and it doesn't include Mr. Trump or his cronies.

And, this current debate seems to mirror those lines exactly.

There are the conservatives who see the action of the players, regardless of how honest their motivations may be, as morally reprehensible. They feel that the playing of the Anthem is a sacred tradition that lauds all the principals that we hold dear AND honors those who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect us and those very principals. It is inconceivable to them why someone would demean that tradition by doing anything but standing at attention with ones hand over their heart. Anyone who does anything else is simply unpatriotic. The 1st Amendment be damned! No compromise is accepted. Anything else is simply un-American. Long-time fans have been seen burning team jerseys in disgust. The league will be boycotted, favorite players scrapped.

The others, generally more liberal and progressive, see it all in a different light. First, they all tend to support the 1st Amendment to the Constitution which guarantees Americans the right of free speech and non-violent demonstration. And, their interpretation of the Amendment, and supported frequently in rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS), is quite literal - short of yelling "FIRE" in a crowded theater - just about any expression goes. In fact, SCOTUS, has already ruled, as disgusting as it might sound to most, that even burning the American flag is a form of expression protected by the 1st Amendment. Yes, as an American you have a right to be an asshole! So, by comparison, kneeling to make a point seems quite tame!

There is also the moral ambiguity of allowing someone to defile something that others have literally died for. And, herein lies the fight for the soul. Those who support the protest and the 1st Amendment see the sacrifices made by those who secured our freedom as the very reason we MUST support free speech. Our near total freedom of expression is what truly makes us different, i.e. Americans. Those people sacrificed so much so that we could be free to stand, sit, kneel, genuflect, crawl, or hop, skip, and jump during the Anthem. And, no one has to LIKE IT. But, they do HAVE to accept it. Why? Because it's the law of the land. As completely irrational as it may seem, in a sense, those people gave everything to preserve the rights of others to give them absolutely nothing in return. THIS is the bold experiment that IS America!

However, there are still those who have difficulty understanding what is such an esoteric concept. For them, it's simple: LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT. There IS no moral dilemma. There is only room for those who unabashedly and unequivocally love their Country and will not tolerate any deviation from this dedication. What they fail to realize is that by doing so our Country would be no different than North Korea.

Another point of contention is that many people are weary of being challenged by the seemingly constant barrage of "underdog causes". They simply don't want to hear anymore about Black Lives Matter or from women's groups looking for job equality or the LGBT Community seeking understanding. Even my 94 year-old mother complained that she is tired of hearing from feminists, saying after all, look how far we've come. Well, to these folks I would explain that things may have indeed improved but they can still get better - a lot better. When a woman makes what a man earns instead of the .79 cents on the dollar she currently does, we can stop. Blacks are incarcerated at a rate 5X's greater than that of whites. When that changes, we can stop. When 1 in 4 LGBT people cease reporting harassment at their places of employment, we can stop.

Until we realize that what makes us unique and, therefore, free, is our ability to live, and let live - even when it seems counter intuitive to do so, we are doomed to fail. This is our challenge as a Nation. And, failure is not an option.

Today's MOZEN: What Would Frankie Do?

F LoBuono

In light of the latest raging controversy created mostly by the President of the United States regarding kneeling by NFL players during the playing of the National Anthem, I have been asked a fair question: what would I do if I were currently playing in the league?

I can answer without hesitation: I would stand.

I would do so because that's the right way for ME.

But, at the same time, I would MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR that I support my teammates in their efforts to bring light to an issue that must be addressed. Furthermore, I would support their rights as AMERICANS, protected by the 1st Amendment to the Constitution, to EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN PEACEFUL PROTEST.

And, as a physical gesture of that support, I would stand next to a kneeling teammate with my hand firmly on his shoulder - and, that's where it will remain.

An issue like this should never divide us. As we would wish to have our voices heard regarding this matter without fear of being silenced, why should it be any different for those in opposition? That's the BEAUTY, if you allow yourself to see it - FREEDOM to speak you mind. Don't be afraid! It doesn't mean LESS freedom. In fact, it means more. So, as I would not take that right from you, why would you take it from others? It's downright UN-AMERICAN.

Today's MOZEN: Live, and Let Live!

F LoBuono

Certain things in life shouldn't be so hard. They just shouldn't. Take for example the slogan; LIVE, AND LET LIVE. We may say it all the time but, how many of us really practice it?

Let's use the current situation involving NFL football player, Colin Kaepernick, as an example. A quarterback, Kaepernick, once guided the San Francisco 49ers to a Superbowl birth. He was considered one of the prototype, new quarterbacks - one who's personal skills were sufficient to change the very outcome of games. Then, like many young players, he began to struggle and lost his starting position. But, he never lost his competitiveness and it appeared just a matter of time before he would regain his job.

Then something happened.

Kaepernick refused to stand during the playing of our National Anthem, choosing to sit on the team bench instead. He claimed that he was using his place in the public eye to draw attention to what he sees as the racial inequities that he believes still have a tremendously negative impact on our Country.

And, if he was looking for attention, he certainly got it - in a BIG way.

Getty Images

The outcry was immediate and visceral. Many viciously attacked him as a spoiled athlete and a hypocrite that made millions of dollars from an American "system" that he just so callously condemned. They claimed he was unpatriotic and selfish and, most scathingly, lacked the proper respect for those who risked their lives (and GAVE them) for our Country.

In response to the initial wave of criticism, Kaepernick relented and took a knee instead of sitting. In this way, he felt that he could show respect for those who served while at the same time sticking to his original protest theme. It did little to to deflect the original criticism. In fact, it only intensified.

Kaepernick was eventually released by the 49ers and, despite his youth, skill level, and the fact that many NFL teams seem to have other, inferior quarterbacks on their rosters playing, he is currently out of football.

WHY?

His detractors will claim that it's all about talent, saying that Kaepernick's skills have eroded to the point where he is not good enough to play in the NFL. I say BULL SHIT! Kaepernick was/is a dynamic young player with VERY desirable talents like size, strength, speed, and athleticism. Yes, his numbers declined after the Super Bowl season but there were MANY reasons for that, including the fact that he was a young player still developing! ALL young quarterbacks experience ups and downs, especially early in their careers (see Cam Newton). In my mind, he is still young enough and dynamic enough to play - and, STAR, in the NFL.

So, why?

Getty Images

Well, when you have the President of the United States, a man sworn to defend the Constitution and, therefore, freedom of expression, calling him and anyone supporting him a Son of a Bitch, and chiding NFL owners to "fire" any player who supports this freedom, what do you expect?

So, this is MORE than just about a football player. It's about what it truly means to be American.

Many, particularly those who vehemently oppose Kaepernick, say it's "our Country, right or wrong. Love it or leave it". Anyone opposing this philosophy is considered unpatriotic or worse, claiming such an attitude is a slap in the face of anyone who served. Since the flag, and the anthem, are symbols that represent great sacrifice, to not stand during its playing is like pissing on the graves of those lost. They claim he is nothing more than a coward and hypocrite.

I couldn't disagree more.

First, to BE an American is to have FREEDOM of EXPRESSION. This is made very clear by the First Amendment to the Constitution:

 Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances). 

THIS is the HEART and SOUL of what America is!!! All of those patriots who made the ultimate sacrifice to serve this Country did so to defend the VERY ACT of what Kaepernick is now attempting! A flag is a peace of cloth that represents an ideal. The same is true of the Anthem - it's a song that represents an ideal. Things can be physically destroyed. What cannot be are the IDEALS behind the symbols! Flags need to be replaced. Songs need to be re-recorded. What can never be lost is FREEDOM - the freedom to express oneself without FEAR OF RETRIBUTION! People died to give us that right!

Yes, it seems ironic that people died to give others the right to speak against the very government they gave their lives to defend. But, there it is. THAT'S what it means to be truly American! Besides, preventing him from earning a living (if that, indeed, is what is happening) goes a long way in proving Kaepernick's original premise - a black man with the balls to speak against the system that made him rich is persona non grata.

As for Mr. Kaepernick being a coward and a hypocrite, once again, I couldn't disagree more. First, he had to know that what he was doing would be VERY controversial and he would definitely suffer backlash. In fact, he must have realized that it would put his career in jeopardy and that it might cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars. Still, he went forward. Nothing cowardly about that. As for the hypocrisy of selfish athlete? Well, he has already donated over $800,000 towards his pledge of $1 million to go to impoverished neighborhoods. How many other athletes can say the same?

And, if all of that esoterica wasn't enough there is my original point: Live, and let live! He has his POV. I have mine. And, of course, you have yours. If we respect that fact, we can disagree with one another while at the same time respecting our RIGHT to express ourselves - because, THAT my friends, is what it's all about. Evelyn Beatrice Hall (NOT Voltaire!) expressed it best in a single sentence: I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

Today's MOZEN: Think Simple

F LoBuono

There are those days when the force of gravity seems unnecessary - the world just sucks. No one is immune. At least I've never met anyone who's outlook is so completely positive as to, well, negate negativity. And, the faster the world gets, the harder it is to cope: see Alvin Toffler's, Future Shock.

So, there it is.

What are we going to do about it?

Well . . .  we have to find a little yin to counter that yang. And, if you wait for something grand, you are destined to be disappointed. For, it usually happens in the most simple ways.

In the past few weeks, I had thought I lost three items that had no monetary value or any other, real significance. In fact, they are not even worth listing individually. Therefore, losing them should have been of no consequence. But, they were important to ME. And, I think the fact that I made an effort to KEEP from losing them in the first place really had me frustrated. But, in each case, just when I was about to resign them to who knows where it went file, I looked in one, last place. And, MUCH to my pleasure, it worked in every case! Man, you should have seen me smile when I found each item.

Certainly, there will be days when things lost stay that way - but, it was not one of those days. And, I accepted them for the gifts they were.

Simple.

One of my theories about what happens in heaven is that there will be a movie of your life with a portion devoted to showing you EXACTLY where and how you lost all of those things that drove you crazy not knowing. But, that's a story for another day . . .

Today's MOZEN: Between the Ears.

F LoBuono

Students of the creative process; the most important tool in your arsenal is not the one you hold in your hands. It's the one you have between your ears. Use it wisely. But, USE it - always.

Today's MOZEN: BE LIKE NAT

Photo: NY Times/Words: F LoBuono

Many years ago I produced and wrote a documentary on the legendary Pulitzer Prize winning photojournalist, Nat Fein. We used a quote excerpted from one of the expert interviews that we conducted for it as the title: Nat Fein: A Talent for Living.

I choose that particular quote to describe him because it fit him to a "T". He was so much more than a great photographer. His sketches with pencil and crayon (which he gave freely to others just for fun) were often of sufficient quality as to rival those in the Saturday Evening Post. He told jokes - most of them pretty bad - but, he could sure entertain a room. And, man, he could sing! Fein's father was a vaudvillian who toured with Iriving Berlin, so it was in his genes. Nat inherited not only his love for entertaining but his sense of timing from his father which, I believe, he used not only with his singing but in his photography, too. And, these were just some of his skills - he loved to cook, too!

Another interview we conducted to tell our story of Fein's life was with the musician, Loren Korevec. Korevec was the the consumate "piano man", having earned his stripes providing the entertainment for over 15 years at New York's legendary speakeasy, Elaine's. During that time, Korevec played host to the Hollywood royality on whose map Elaine's was clearly marked as a must-go spot in New York.

While playing a local gig at a spot closer to his home in Rockland County, NY, Korevec was approached by a charming, older man who asked if he could sit in and sing a song or two with him. That gentleman turned out to be Nat Fein. Korevec figured "what harm could it do" and said, "sure". Korevec was not so much blown away by Fein's skill as a singer but more by his energy - he put everything he had into every song. Nothing was held back. The collaboration between the two lasted for years until Nat's death in 2000.

During our interview with Korevec about his collaboration, he had this to say:

"Nat was like this huge fountain - creativity was just constantly pouring out of him. He simply could not turn off the spicket. When I think about Nat, I have to remember to be like him".

Well, Loren, we all need to remember to be like Nat - everyday. I think that he may have been what Buddhists call a bodhisatva, or spirit guide - someone to light the way. Whenever I feel myself down, like no one cares, I think of this. It can be as if we were so busy giving, we don't have the time to think of what might be dragging us down. The path is clear. We have been shown the way. All we need do is follow.

Photo Essay of the 9/11 Memorial

Today's Mostly True Short Story: A Big Person

F LoBuono

Man, I was down. I mean I was lower than whale shit. The woman I had every intention of spending my life with had seen the light, changed her mind, and left me. It wasn't the first time and, unfortunately, it wouldn't be the last, either. I suppose that I'm a glutton for punishment. Be that as it may, I was a hurtin' cowboy. And, it showed. I walked around wearing my sorrow like an old, cheap, wrinkled suit.

At the time, I was working as a producer/reporter for the local cable company in West Nyack, N.Y. It was my first job in television and provided me with the necessary experience to build my career. But, it was small potatoes. I mean you couldn't get more basic for production facilities. We didn't even have our own space. We shared a garage-type building with a company called Tidy Car that undercoated vehicles to prevent rusting.

You can imagine the type of chemicals they were using for their product. I think it would be safe to call many of the ingredients toxic. On days that they were very busy, the noxious orders would get so bad that we would have to evacuate our side of the building. But, hey, it was living!

One of the men who worked for Tidy Car was a middle-aged black man named Henry. Henry always had a good word whenever you encountered him. He had a deep voice that had a hint of Southern molasses mixed in. It gave me the impression that he had probably grown up there, although I didn't know for sure. But, whatever his circumstances, he was a jovial fellow.

Another thing that I remember about Henry were his eyes. They were always terribly blood shot. I mean it looked like you could train a pint of blood out of each one! Perhaps, Henry was a "hard liver" and drank too much on his down time. But, I always attributed it to the fact that he was exposed so directly to those toxic fumes. If it was harsh enough for us to evacuate from the other side of the building, one can only imagine the deleterious effects on someone right on top of them - hour after hour, day after day. One thing was for certain, it didn't get Henry down. He always had something positive to say.

One day, in the midst of my misery, I needed a short break from work. I just wanted a few minutes away from my office to go into the fresh air where I could collect my thoughts and, quite frankly, get my shit together. There was a little patch of woods adjacent to our parking lot where I found a little shade and a rock to sit on. As I sat there alone, contemplating the depth of my misery, Henry noticed and walked over. When I saw him coming my way, I hopped up, hoping that he wouldn't notice what bad shape I was in. Well, he did. And, then he said something strange to me:

Young man, you are going to be SO BIG someday, whoo hee, yes sir!

It took me completely by surprise and I had no idea what he meant.

Hello, Henry. Waz up? I replied.

Then he said: you don't know it now. In fact, you won't believe it NOW. But, someday, you are going to be a BIG PERSON.

I looked at him in disbelief: Henry, that's just crazy. I just could be any lower than I am right now. I may never get over this!, I cried.

That's the point, my friend. You are being tested. Everyone gets tested in their lives. Those people of character who survive use that experience to grow into more complete humans, capable of tremendous compassion. If you can just hang in there, you will be one of those people.

Henry didn't say another word. He patted me on the back and just walked away.

At first, I just kind of dismissed it as the ramblings of some crazy, old black man. I mean, after all, he was inhaling all of that toxic junk all day long. Maybe, it had gone to his brain.  I dragged my sorry ass back into the building.

But, I just keeping hearing his words, over and over again: someday, you are going to be a BIG PERSON. Eventually, they started to sink in. Henry didn't mean BIG is a physical or economic way. He meant it in an emotional way. If I could overcome the pain associated with that tremendous sense of loss, it would put me in a position of REAL power - as a person who leads with the compassion that only comes with perseverance based on personal experience. In times of trouble, people would look to me to guide them through their own wilderness. And, you can't get any BIGGER than that.

Eventually, our studio moved into swanky new digs and, I believe, that Tidy Car went out of business. After our move, I never saw Henry again. But, I'll never forget him, or the words of encouragement that he gave me when I need them so desperately. I could only imagine the indignities he suffered before becoming a BIG PERSON himself. I honor him by returning the favor to others.

Today's MOZEN: Absolute Power

F LoBuono

When I was a kid of about 10 or 11, my father switched careers. He and his brother had inherited the family business - delicatessen in Cliffside Park, NJ. However, despite working 7 days/week for most of their adult lives, the business was failing. So, they sold the store and moved on with their lives. My uncle bought into a food delivery route and my father decided to become a Bergen County Deputy Sheriff.

I remember how hard he studied for both the written and physical portions of the Civil Service exam. I even learned how to stay physically fit for my entire life by doing push ups next to him as he drove himself to get in shape. When he passed the exam and finally became a Deputy Sheriff, it was one of the greatest moments of his (and, my) life.

He was so proud of his uniform and his STATUS. The career he was now about to embark on was, at least in his mind, far more important than slicing baloney for a living. And, being important was just about everything to my father. He was, in his own way and time, a brilliant man who never had the good fortune to develop his enormous potential. His life's circumstance always seemed to conspire against him: his father died when he was 12. Then came the depression and then WWII where he served with honor for 4 years. He just never seemed to have the chance to pursue his education and fulfill his destiny.

So, when he was given a badge and a gun, my father knew that his life would take on new meaning. And, he loved it. He relished the responsibility and he loved the authority that came with it. But, he may have loved it too much. In fact, he became obsessed with it.

Deputy Sheriff Joseph LoBuono

My father, to this day, was one of the most gentle and fair-minded men I have ever known. Despite his difficult early life, he had a mostly easy-going disposition. He loved his family (especially his children), his few, close friends and, especially, animals. He liked to sing (although not well!), dance, tell ridiculous jokes, and sports. I have very similar interests because of him. However, once he got that badge and gun, he could also be difficult. NO ONE was to challenge his authority. Whether he was actually wearing his uniform or not, he always saw himself as an officer of the law and, therefore, was to be respected and, yes, even feared for it.

NO ONE.

He was like a different man. If we were in the car and someone cut him off, they were going to get pulled over. It didn't matter if he had the whole family in the car with him and we were on our way to church. If someone did something HE deemed inappropriate they were going to know about it. He would flash his lights, pursue them, and cut them off if necessary to get the offender to stop. Now, remember, he was NOT in uniform. But, if he could get their attention, he would flash them his badge. It would drive my mother absolutely crazy. She would implore him, "please, Joe, stop! This is not right. You are not on duty! And, you are putting yourself and the rest of us at risk". Didn't matter - they challenged him and his authority and they would have to pay for it with a good tongue lashing. This behavior lasted for his entire career in law enforcement. He would claim it was his duty to do so. That may have been true but, in reality, I believe a lot of it was simply ego driven. He had the power with that gun and badge and he was going to use his authority when he felt he was wronged. It was if he believed that those objects gave him the moral ground to act that way.

Now, I loved my old man without question. Still, he was flawed like all of us. And, because he was SO human he was not immune to the emotions that affect everyone. With this in mind, I say POWER CORRUPTS and ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY. If a man as gentle and fair-minded as my father ultimately was, it can definitely influence anyone.

So, when you see videos like the one in Salt Lake of a detective allegedly abusing and illegally arresting a nurse, understand that it's not just about the law - it's about human nature. That nurse was not breaking the law. He saw it as her simply breaking his balls. She challenged his AUTHORITY. And, in the world of absolute power, that gets you busted. That's why it is important that we hold the police to a higher standard. They must be TRAINED (and, that includes psychological training) WHEN and HOW to exercise their awesome power and authority.

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: A Metaphor

F LoBuono

It was a rare Saturday afternoon - at least in terms of the traffic - there wasn't much! A holiday weekend, Memorial Day and the end of summer lie just ahead. And, most of the cool people must have already arrived at their wonderful holiday destinations down the shore or up in the mountains. I happened to be going to work.

On a normal Saturday, one of the main roads I take from my apartment and eventually into the City is Route 9W. A single lane in each direction, it clings to the side of the Palisades, high above the Hudson River. It certainly is a picturesque byway. But, some of the things that make it so pleasing are also things that can make it difficult to navigate - it's windy, narrow, and often clogged with bicyclists (who love it for THOSE reasons) riding on a virtually non-existent shoulder. There are also a series of traffic lights to negotiate. So, speeding is NOT recommended.

But, on THIS particular day, the road was wide open. There were not many other motorists to contend with and, much to my surprise, there weren't many bicycle riders either. It was almost eerie - like I missed the instructions to stay home! And, if that wasn't positive enough, I caught every traffic light in my favor. I mean I was making great time - so much so that I decided to make a quick detour and visit my mother in a nearby town. Again, I couldn't believe my good fortune - NO traffic and NO red lights!

I was almost at Stella's place when it happened. There is only one railroad crossing to pass on my way there. Well, guess what? Just as I was approaching the crossing, lights started flashing, bells began clanging, and, before I could sneak through, the gates came down. Now, all I could do was wait as a freight train that seemed to contain about 10,000 cars started to pass. I rolled down my car window, turned off the ignition and resigned myself to my fate. All the time that I had saved up to that point would now be "given back" at that rail crossing.

While I waited, I began to think that the whole trip was becoming a metaphor for life itself: things can be going so smoothly in our lives. We're livin' in the fast land and the future is clear and open. Then, without warning, we hit some type of roadblock, like that train crossing, that is beyond our control and all we can do is wait for it to pass. There is no other option.

After 5 or 10 minutes (I'm sure that it was closer to 5 but it felt like 50) the train passed, the lights stopped flashing, the bells clanging, and the gate lifted. Then, I was on my way to continue my journey.