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| F LoBuono |
First, I had the benefit of his presence for the first half of my life. His father died when he was twelve. As the oldest son in a Sicilian immigrant family, he became the de facto head of his household and helped to support his younger brother and two sisters. Then, when World War II came, he interrupted his education and enlisted in the military. He served four years - two of them overseas fighting with General George Patton's Third Army. He, like millions of others from The Greatest Generation, did his duty with honor and helped save the world. When he returned, he and his brother continued with the family's grocery/deli business until they sold it years later. It was during that time period that he met and married my mother and began a family.
In the beginning, we lived in a very modest apartment near the deli in Cliffside Park, NJ. Eventually, my father got to realize the Great American Dream and purchased a small house in Fort Lee, NJ. I always felt that he was particularly proud that he was able to achieve that measure of success - home ownership. However, I think what made my father most joyous was his family. He was the ultimate family man, raising three kids, and remaining faithful to my mother for the 36 years they were married until his death parted them in 1987. Nothing was more important to him than us. Nothing. And, he made that abundantly clear - constantly. We may not have had much, but we had each other and he made us feel like that was enough.
After they sold the family business, he decided to pursue an entirely different career path. He choose to use his military experience to become a Bergen County Deputy Sheriff. He approached his new career with dedication and passion. He was nearing middle-age by that time and it couldn't have been easy to make the transition. But, he studied to pass the written portion of the Civil Service exam with a new college student's enthusiasm. And, we exercised together so he could be ready for the physical portion, too. I must have been nine or ten at the time and he taught me how to do push-ups and sit-ups. I would line up next to him and what ever he did, I did - or, at least tried! I think my life-long passion for fitness stems from this initial experience.
My father felt that an educated man was a successful man. As a deputy sheriff, he was eventually assigned as a court attendant and watched the proceedings on a daily basis. This exposed him to experts from the fields of medicine, law, and other intellectual pursuits. He would encourage me to be like them saying, "Frankie, these men change the world with their THINKING"! And, he loved learning - a passion he bequeathed to me. He read everyday, even if it was just the local paper. His family circumstances and the war prevented him from pursuing his own education as a young man but he was determined to change that - and he did. He actually earned an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice from Bergen Community College when he was in his fifties. Education was so important to him that he drove me to complete mine. There were many times when I wanted to quit school, but he simply would no let me. He would encourage me - "Hang in there! Do it now. It's more difficult when you get older". And, "once you EARN you diploma NO ONE can take it from you". And, he was right. As I get older, he seems to have been a lot more right then he was wrong.
A strong man, my father still struggled with his health. He developed severe asthma and suffered with it for most of his adult life. His health problems were probably the biggest issue he and my mother faced. As a boy, I remember being terrified hearing him struggle for his breath on hot, humid summer nights. He often talked of moving us to Arizona, hoping that the dry climate would improve his breathing. Then, mostly due to complications from his asthma, he encountered heart issues and had his aortic valve replaced. And, if that wasn't enough, he ended his life in the shadow world of Alzheimer's Disease. One of the saddest things in my life was watching this brilliant man who loved learning above virtually anything else but his family pass his last months as a simpleton, unable to even recognize those he loved best.
In contrast, my health is excellent and always has been. Not only am I absent of all major ailments, I rarely even catch a cold! I do my best to live a healthy lifestyle but I believe that most of my good fortune is because I have been blessed with my mother's genes rather than my father's - at least in this way. I am also more educated than my father was. I have a B.A. degree with some Masters credits from Rutgers. I also earn more money that he ever did - a lot more. At the height of my career in broadcasting I earned close to three times more money/year than he did. Because of this financial success, I have also owned two homes. My parents, who always seemed to struggle with money issues, rarely traveled. In contrast, I've been to most of Europe and even China. My father bought one new car in his lifetime. I have purchased many. By most standards, it would be fair to say that I have been successful in my life and career. Certainly, in terms of health, education, and standard of living, I have had it all over my father.
Still, by the most important parameters, at least as I see them, my father was FAR more successful than me. First, he served his Country at one of its most perilous times. For various reasons, I did not serve. He was enormously proud of his contribution to the war effort. In the many battles he apparently encountered during the war, he must have faced the possibility of his own imminent demise. This changes a man. I believe it gives one a perspective on life that cannot be had by virtually any other means. It tends to make a person live more fully in the moment. His example fostered in me a sense of both rebellion AND responsibility. In my work, I have been challenged with extreme danger, but, certainly, not to the same degree that he faced. Still, I feel a sense of duty that was instilled in me by him to get any job done to the very best of my abilities. He helped me know the meaning of courage. He taught me to love reading and learning. He encouraged me to live freely and independently. He inspired me to discover my strengths and overcome my weaknesses. And, he insisted that I live with honor by treating everyone with dignity and respect. He was also a master communicator who believed that the key to any healthy relationship was sharing completely and honestly. We certainly had that relationship. There was nothing that I ever felt I could not share with my father. Nothing. He was my mentor and my friend,
Second, and most importantly, my father was the consummate family man. He was faithfully married for thirty six years and raised three children. Since, in my father's mind, this was his greatest role and joy, it was also his greatest triumph. By comparison, my marriage lasted for just twelve years. I have no children of my own. The relationship I did have with my stepsons is severely fractured. In other words, I failed pretty miserably. Now, before you think that I'm beating myself up, let me set the record straight. This is not about self-loathing. My ego is far too healthy for that. In fact, it's really not about me at all. Rather, it is my attempt to laud my father, and all men who fill that most important role. The meaning of deadbeat father is unfathomable to me. There is NO job that is more important to a man. And, my father was one of the best.
My father's legacy is secure. Me, my brother, and sister are the living evidence of that. His service to his Country is another reason. My mother's undying love for him is still more. He was the living embodiment of The Greatest Generation, indeed. But, every man who loves, supports, and cherishes his family is a hero.
Happy Father's Day.
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