Today's MOZEN: Wrestling With The Angel

Words and photo F LoBuono

Cynthia says I'm wrestling with the angel. Most would say devil but not Cynthia. She prefers to see things from a more benevolent perspective - hers is a kinder, gentler way. Be that as it may, I get the point. It means that I'm struggling - usually with myself. And, it happens more frequently than you would imagine. I think that most people who know me might find that hard to believe. They shouldn't. Everyone struggles from time to time - even mostly smiling, always too loud, FOS characters like me!

By my own admission, considerable self-analysis, and independent corroboration, it would be reasonable to categorize me as a Type A personality. In other words, I'm hard to miss. I can be loud and proud - perhaps, too much so.  Generally, I like to laugh a hell of lot more than I like to cry. My personality can easily be seen as jovial. I also tend to talk too much and listen too little. I walk fast, talk fast and think fast. I can come on like a hurricane. In fact, Cynthia has called me a force of nature.

Being this way can be a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because, when I can slow down enough to focus, I get shit done. Lots of it. I'm driven and disciplined. I live by the credo: failure is not an option.  I practically invented the word multi-tasking. Certainly, no one has ever called me lazy. It pushes me to do more, know more, explore more, feel more.

It's bad because it scatters me. My energy not only overwhelms others, it can overwhelm ME! It creates a huge ego that I trip over all of the time. And, at times, it can make me a shitty listener. This causes poor communication and hurtful scenarios. It makes me frantic and frenetic, anxious and boorish. I have to work really hard not to keep losing shit - forgetting where I left something seconds after doing it. I RARELY sleep more than five hours in a single stretch. Because I thrash about so much during my sleep, people who have seen the state of my sheets in the morning marvel that I have not strangled myself. And, I just want to stop THINKING - about myself, my life, my failings, my future, and the very world itself! The current popularity of one Donald J. Trump just exacerbates the situation. I fear for our future - literally.

When it all gets too much, just like EVERYONE else on the planet, I can get depressed. Really depressed. But, because I have so much energy, when it is negatively focused, it can be a very dangerous thing - deep and consuming. I struggle to find the good, simple things that would ordinarily give me pause to smile. At these times, the world doesn't need gravity because everything just sucks.

What I find at least partially effective in dealing with myself when I feel like this is to maintain contact with those feelings - ALL of them  - and making and effort to understand them. They are all part of the same, big picture. One cannot understand the nature of feeling truly good without the contrast of also knowing what it is like to feel really bad. There is yin and there is yang. So, we need to find a way to embrace the emotion. One way to accomplish this is what I'm doing right now - writing your feelings down and SHARING them. To do so reinforces the fact that we need not bear our burdens totally alone. To be human is to FEEL. So, we all do. To know this is the beginning of healing. It can be a path out of the darkness.

Another thing that can help break the curse of depression is to give yourself a break - literally and figuratively. Re-focus some of that negative energy on the good you have done instead of dwelling on the hurt you may have caused in the world. Acknowledge the gifts that you "bring to the party". And, if you find that you haven't done enough good, make the commitment to start. The more you give at times like this, the more you will get back and the better you will feel. Truth.

Take some time for yourself, to be yourself. RENEW - especially now - it's SPRING, the season of rebirth and promise.Also, remember, sometimes, just breathing is good enough. Give yourself the same break you are determined to give others. If you need a day to bury your head under the covers from dawn 'til dusk, just do it. The world will be there when you get back - as will all of your issues - good and bad. So, at some point, when you've taken that deep breath, little by little, giving more and more back, you start to realize again that, when you let it, life is still pretty grand.

Today's Mostly True Story: A Walk in a Graveyard

Words and photo by F LoBuono

Cynthia and I got to the restaurant for our family Easter lunch about a half-hour early. It was reasonably mild for an early Spring day so we decided to walk into town to kill the extra time. Having both grown up in the general area, we were somewhat familiar with the place, Dumont, NJ, but not very. I remember playing football and baseball against them when I was in high school but, beyond that, I had no real experience in the village itself. What I did remember was confirmed as soon as we started walking - Dumont is a nice, clean, working class, New Jersey town. However, one thing that did strike me was that it is also very old. In walking towards the town center, we noticed a number of historical signs that explained Dumont was settled in the early part of the 17th Century and was originally named after one its settling Dutch families, Schraalenburg.

The Old North Chruch

At the corner of what appeared to be the heart of town stood an old brick, Dutch Colonial church. Known as the Old North Church, the cornerstone is written in the original Dutch and gives the names of the its founders and the date the congregation first met, 1723. It also indicated that the current church has stood there since 1801. Of course, as is the case with most old churches, a graveyard containing the worldly remains of some of the original congregants was located on the church grounds. We decided to explore it.

There must have been about 50 gravestones, the majority of them showing their advanced age and in extreme disrepair. Most of the markers were dated to the early 19th Century and the earliest days of the church. The latest date that we could find on a stone was 1908. The names were mostly Dutch and English but, surprisingly, some had Eastern European spellings. Some of the names would be familiar to anyone from this part of the Country as they belong to some of the areas earliest settling families like Demarest and Voorhees.

Some people might find exploring graveyards a bit morbid. However, Cynthia and I most certainly do not. They can tell us so much about our past and how people not only died, but how they LIVED. So, we walked excitedly from gravestone to gravestone taking notice of not only the names of the people but when they were born and died. Some died in infancy. Others, much to our surprise, lived to ripe old age. We found one grave marker of a woman who was 99 years-old, certainly a rarity for that era!

We talked excitedly but quietly about what we saw. We had reverence for where we what and what it meant. The stones may have been broken and worn but each one represented a human being and we were well aware of that. We were cognizant of the fact that we were walking on the memories, if not the very bones, of those who were bold enough to pave the way for the rest of us. Instead of "freaking us out", it was kind of comforting to know that. And, the fact that it was Easter Sunday, with its promise of immortality, made the feeling all that more poignant.

After 15-20 minutes or so, it was time to go. We bid our farewells and walked hand-in-hand to the restaurant where it had a wonderful lunch with family. Life continues . . .

When You Think About It: The Message of Easter

Words and photo by F LoBuono

It is now Easter Sunday. It's meaning should not be lost on anyone - even those like myself who reject most of the trappings of religious zeal. I am a firm believer in freedom OF religion as well as freedom FROM religion. Still, even with that said, I refuse to reject the sublime, transcendent beauty of the Message.

The Christ showed us the way. Still, I'm not going to debate his divinity. I'm not into the "3 day thing", etc. Believe it or not, that has no ultimate importance to me. I am not obsessed with an afterlife. I am concerned with his Message as it applies to everyday life. And, his life AND death was all about showing us the importance of one theme above all others: ONLY LOVE CAN CONQUER HATE. He subjected himself to one of the most gruesome deaths known to man. He suffered degradation and humiliation, even when offered a chance to save himself. Why would ANY person, much less a divine being, do this if they could be spared? The answer is that he showed us that our fear can be overcome - but, only if we LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY - yes, even our enemies. Love, not some pie-in-the-sky morality, is what makes us immortal!

So, no matter what faith you subscribe to, the Message remains clear. This is NOT in praise of religion - ANY religion. Even if you have no faith at all, you can still hear and LIVE the message. Love one another. Always. It conquers all.

Today's MOZEN: The Land of the Free

F LoBuono

Let me ask three simple, direct questions:

1. Do you actually give a shit how anyone else conducts their private, personal lives - especially if it violates no laws?

2. If it were not against the law, would you support legislation to make it illegal?

3. If so, then why?

The reason that I ask is, unfortunately, personal liberty, especially when it comes to the rights of the LGBT community, is once again being threatened. Most recently, North Carolina passed a law that requires so-called Transgender people to use bathrooms of their birth sex rather than the one they currently identify with. Conservative groups claim that the law will protect children from predatory males using women's bathrooms. Civil rights groups claim NONSENSE!! There is absolutely no evidence to suggest that transgender people troll bathrooms for their own sexual gratification!! In fact, they use the bathroom to go, well, to the bathroom!

Guess which side I'm on?!

First, it should be noted that the North Carolina government is solidly in the hands of the GOP. Virtually EVERY piece of discriminatory legislation passed in this Country is done so by States controlled by Republicans. The GOP should stand for GET OUT of PEOPLES' business. They claim that they are the party of LESS government. Instead, they continually press their close-minded, outdated, exclusionary doctrine wherever they have control of the local government - making MORE laws where none are necessary. And, given the chance, they would do so on the National level as well. WE CANNOT allow this to happen. This legislation is a thinly veiled attempt at intimidating the Gay community simply because they don't fit into their conservative Christian dogma (synonymous with the GOP). It never ceases to amaze me how conservative Christians can be so UN- Christlike!

Second, why should anyone, of ANY political affiliation, give a shit as to how anyone else lives their personal lives? In fact, it's EASIER not to give a crap! I don't know about anyone else but I have enough issues of my own to be worrying about who's doing what to whom. How people conduct their own lives is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. And, it shouldn't be the government's either. It's called FREEDOM, folks. Freedom allows us to make CHOICES based on what's best for ourselves first. Without being true to ourselves we cannot offer honesty to others. Either we live in a free society or we don't - for ALL. We call ourselves The Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave. Well, it's time to cut all of the chicken shit crap and start acting like it!

As for those who find themselves in a bathroom with a transgender person (HOW you would know, I have NO idea!), say "hello", then go into the bathroom stall, close the door, latch it, do your business, and let the other person do theirs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's Mostly True Short Story: A NY Moment

F LoBuono

The little bird saw its opportunity and, despite the almost endless stream of speeding vehicles, made a beeline for the other side of the street. She flapped her wings like crazy and just in the nick of time created enough lift to barely make it over the hoods of the passing cars. When she finally made it safely to the other side, I whispered under my breath:

Good for you - you little fuck!

That is all.

Today's MOZEN: Vegetarianism Light

F LoBuono

I practice what I like to call Vegetarianism Light. In other words, I do my best to stick to a meat free diet but I am FAR from fanatical about it. I simply do the best that I can and I ask others to do the same.

It was four years ago this past February when I decided to give eliminating meat a try. I was working as a cameraman covering the Iowa Caucus for a major TV news network. I was relaxing in my hotel room when a video from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) came on. I'll spare you the details and just say it was typical of many of the videos PETA uses to combat the brutal treatment of factory farmed animals. I had seen enough. I had been thinking for some time to eliminate meat from my diet. Now, it was time to act. I had seen enough of the cruelty that is perpetuated on other living beings for the sake of only the human ones.

My whole family and I had been keen animal lovers our whole lives. We had dogs, cats, rabbits, and even fish. And, we loved them all. I began to question the difference between a dog and a pig, especially when science has shown that pigs are at least as intelligent as dogs? The only difference is the randomness of fate. Dogs were chosen to be our companions. Pigs were designated to be food.

This was a highly personal choice and I thought long and hard about it. Coming from a Sicilian background, my family is ALL about food! Some might say that good food is in our DNA. And, we are totally omnivorous. In other words, we eat EVERYTHING. If an animal was sacrificed for food, we ate the ENTIRE animal. So, it would not be an easy task. But, I felt like it was something that I needed to try. I wanted to do whatever I could in whatever why that I could to begin to limit the amount of cruelty that exists on our planet. This was one small way for me to attempt it.

Overall, I've been pretty successful at the transition but I am not even close to perfect (forget VEGANISM! LOL). First, I still eat fish. I feel like I need the high quality protein fish provides. So, I rationalize that fish are not on the same evolutionary level as birds and mammals. Therefore, they are OK to eat. Now, you are starting to get the meaning of vegetarianism light! Second, if someone who does not know my inclination to not eat meat offers me some, I'm not going to insult my host and refuse to eat it. For example, one day I was traveling to visit friends in Florence, Italy. Of course, they prepared the quintessential Florentine meal, Bistecca, i.e. Fillet Mignon. It certainly was NOT going to be thrown away as trash! Also, when we have long days in the studio, meals will often be catered. And, it is usually the best food that money can by. Of course, it is bound to contain copious amounts of meat. If the staff and crew does not eat all of it, at the end of the night, it is all rapped up and simply thrown away. This, to me, is a greater sin than taking the animal in the first place. If the animals meat is literally wasted then absolutely no good can be taken from its sacrifice. So, I get all of the empty containers that I can find and fill them with as much food as I can carry. Vegetarianism Light.

Look folks, we will never be powerful enough to ELIMINATE cruelty. That is a gift beyond our capabilities. There was only one Gandhi or MLK. However, we can REDUCE the amount in small ways and on a daily basis. THIS is what I am trying to accomplish. If we all do a little, we can accomplish a lot. We just need the will to try.

Indeed.

I ain't dead yet. You'll know where to find me. If you dare. . .

When You Think About It: You Get What you Pay For.

F LoBuono

When You Think About It, you get what you pay for.

Gawker Media, a series of Internet web sites dedicated to providing the world with the gossip it so desperately desires, will now have to pay HEAVILY for what they got: A jury in Pensacola, Fla. just awarded the wrestler known professionally as Hulk Hogan (real name Terry Bollea), $115 million in Hogan's defamation suit against Gawker Media and its owner/founder Nick Denton. The suit claimed that Gawker illegally aired on its website a tape of Hogan having sex with his then best friend's wife. The tape, just over a minute long, was viewed millions of times on the Gawker website. Hogan sued for invasion of privacy claiming the embarrassment caused by the tape was ruining his life. Gawker's lawyers claimed their First Amendment Right guaranteeing the right of freedom of expression and freedom of the Press allowed them to make the tape available on its website. They argued that Hogan, as a famous/public figure, in a sense, by the nature of his public persona, forfeited his rights to certain levels of privacy. They further claimed that because Hogan was a famous person, his behavior effects society and is, therefore, newsworthy.

REALLY???

The jury, obviously, found Gawker's defense as big a bunch of bullshit as I did!

In an interview with Erin Moriarty of the CBS program "48 Hours", Denton, an Oxford educated journalist born in England, defended his, and the site's actions. He claimed that it was a "good story" and had "public interest". When pressed by Moriarty as to how virtually ANYTHING on his website is truly in the public interest, Denton responded, "Gossip is the version of the news that the authorities or the celebrities or the officials don't want people to know; it's the unauthorized versions. I think that people have a right to know the unauthorized version as well as the authorized version of the news".

REALLY?

First, and foremost, who Hulk Hogan screws and the size of his genitalia is simply NOT NEWS WORTHY! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! Second, the reason that, especially when it comes to private moments of public individuals, things are bound to be unauthorized is by their very nature. Just because a person may have a public image, it does not void them from the respect we would give any other human being. SHAME ON Mr. Nick Denton.

Denton went on in the interview to explain that as a gay foreigner looking to make his way in the highly competitive digital news market, he had to come up with something unique. Since he saw himself as an "outsider" he decided to create a site that was "outside" of the normal news. Hence, Gawker was born.

Someone has to explain to me how a "gay foreigner" who was looked at as an outsider, i.e. was GAWKED at, would see a website that pursues our most perverse nature as a natural expression of that angst is simply beyond me. Simply put, he made my skin crawl. It was obvious that he saw the site as simply a means to line his pockets by exploiting the misfortune of others.

GAWK - verb (used without object)

1.

to stare stupidly; gape:

The onlookers gawked at arriving celebrities.

When confronted by the actually definition of "Gawk", Mr. Denton replied that he objected to the word "stupidly" as it was used here.

Well, I can use that word to describe him and his website - about 115 million times!!

Today's MOZEN: Beware the ides of March

La Mort de César (ca. 1859–1867) by Jean-Léon Gérôme

Caesar:
Who is it in the press that calls on me?
I hear a tongue shriller than all the music
Cry "Caesar!" Speak, Caesar is turn'd to hear.

Soothsayer:
Beware the ides of March.

Caesar:
What man is that?

Brutus:
A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March.

Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 15–19

How prefect.

Today is indeed the ides of March - just 2000 years later. The 15th of the month. The half-way point. It is also Super Tuesday, i.e. the day that can make or break a candidate's quest for his party's nomination for President of the United States.

And, as in ancient Rome, the Republic is in jeopardy - endangered by greedy men who seek to usurp the power of the people. And, there is one, who like the Caesar of Shakespeare, looks to stand above the rest:

Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world

Like a Colossus, and we petty men

Walk under his huge legs and peep about

To find ourselves dishonorable graves.

Men at some time are masters of their fates.

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars

But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

These words were uttered by Cassius to Brutus to describe what he saw as Caesar's enormous ego and why he just had to go. The same thing could be said of today's GOP front runner, Donald Trump.

Trump has the swagger and the bombast of 1000 Julius Caesars without any of the redeeming social values. Caesar may have been arrogant but at least he earned it! He was a warrior who conquered most of the known world! Trump is the master of an empire built on smoke and mirrors.  Unlike Caesar he is All Show and No Go.

So, indeed, beware the Ides of March. Look not to the stars for answers but within yourselves - YOU have the power - it's called a VOTE. USE  IT. 

DUMP TRUMP!

When You Think About It: Trump is no Surprise

F LoBuono

The rise of Donald Trump as the leading contender to represent the Republican party as its candidate for President of the United States is both impressive and shocking. It is impressive because when he began his campaign he was seen as little more than a publicity craving, loud-mouthed realty TV personality. It is also shocking for the very same reason, leaving us to ask the question, how could this actually be happening?

Well, When You Think About It,  we shouldn't be so surprised.

First, in today's banal, celebrity worshiping society, his rise should not be seen as unexpected but, rather, inevitable. Just go to your TV and scroll through the programming guide. What you will see is a plethora of so-called Reality TV shows. There's an entire assortment of them ranging from a family made wealthy for creating duck calls to the boorish antics of housewives from any number of cities to the daily trials and tribulations of a transgender former Olympic champion. These are just a few of the hundreds that permeate the TV line-up. And, there wouldn't be ANY if people simply wouldn't WATCH THEM. We can't make them popular and then complain about their content!! Trump joined the ranks of Reality Royalty with the popularity of his show, "The Apprentice". It also became an honor to be FIRED by Mr. Trump. He is indeed the embodiment of the modern ethos.

I am very pleased and proud to say that I have never seen ANY of these programs and have no intention ever to. However, apparently, I am in the minority. The tens of thousands of adoring fans at a Trump rally are evidence of his (and his show's) popularity.

With this in mind, we have to remember that Mr. Trump, I believe, lives by the credo that there is no such thing as BAD publicity. So, when protesters at his rallies are met with ridicule by the candidate and, often, violence by his followers it is not necessarily seen as a bad thing. He twists every encounter into a personal crusade to highlight his my way or the highway brand of politics. And, the crowd loves it! They have final found the perfect vehicle to express their deeply routed and suppressed feelings of fear and anxiety. They have finally found someone who gives voice to all the petty prejudices and fears that too many people harbor deep within themselves and, normally, keep there - which is EXACTLY where they should stay, because that's where they belong!

Trump's very body language was made for Reality TV. His over-sized bombast is only matched by the elaborate comb-over of his hair. His gestures are all designed to not so much say hey, look at me as it is to SCREAM it. The over-use of some type of artificial tanning agent has even caused his skin to turn a bronze, almost gold color. Perhaps, he sees himself as Midas incarnate. That would shock most. To the contrary, he loves it.  And, his proposed doctrine is as phony as his tan. He rarely, if ever, uses the term WE. It's not WE will do this, or WE will do that. It's almost always I. It's NOT about making America great again. It's all about making Trump great - at least in his own eyes.

Trump's ability to not only weather this criticism but to thrive from it is astounding. The more people of conscious throw at him, the more power he seems to gain. It reminds me of the ancient Greek myth of the battle between Hercules and Antaeus. As one of his 12 Tasks, Hercules would have to conquer Antaeus, a son of the Sea God, Poseidon, in hand-to-hand combat. The problem was Antaeus was the greatest wrestler in the world and drew his strength literally from the earth itself. So, every time that Hercules threw him to the ground, Antaeus only got more powerful! So, Hercules finally defeated Antaeus by not giving him what he "wanted" (i.e. being thrown to the ground). Instead, Hercules lifted Antaeus off his feet and throttled him while holding him above his head.

When dealing with Trump we must be like Hercules vs Antaeus - we cannot fall into the trap and do things Trump's way. We cannot resort to name calling and violence. It will only make him stronger. No. With people like Trump it is FAR better to simply ignore him. Perhaps, then, he will truly go away.

Today's MOZEN: The Silence of the Deep

F LoBuono

That sucking sound you hear is that of my super-inflated ego being flushed down the drain - AGAIN!

It's not the first time that's happened and I fear that if I live long enough it most certainly will not be the last.

I've never denied having a "healthy" ego. The issue is the definition of healthy. I have always believed in myself and my ability to overcome the odds. This the healthy ego. I have a drive within me that refuses to believe that there is nothing that I can't do with effort and determination if not skill. The problem comes in my lack of aforementioned skill. I may be good at a lot of things but I'm not really exceptional at any- except, perhaps, at telling me people how versatile I am. This is the unhealthy ego.

I was (am) a good athlete but not a great one. I started on every team that I ever played for and even made captain for all of them. The problem was that they were all TERRIBLE teams. My high school football team won 2 games the year I was senior captain. My college football team won none - losing one game 70-3. I set my college football team record for most tackles made in a season yet never rated a single all-star mention. Baseball was the same. I was very competitive on some very poor teams. Yet, I love telling people about my playing days as if I were a star.

For what it's worth, my intellect, as measured by IQ, is NEAR genius. It is 137. Genius level is 140. So, again, I fall just short. But, I tell everyone that I am a genius - well, doesn't ALMOST count?

My marriage collapsed. My stepsons don't speak to me. I own a great, big house that I don't live in. I lost my job at 58 years-old and had to start virtually all over again. I live alone, simply, in a one bedroom apartment. I have plenty of clothing and find myself wearing the same three or four things over and over again. I drive a vehicle that looks as stylish as a box of cereal and has 233,000 miles on it. I apply for jobs within my own company and do not even rate an acknowledgement of receipt. I feel about as desirable as a 3-legged greyhound at a dog track! Still, I walk the streets like I own them.

I am a pretty good photographer - but, not a great one. I have never sold a single photograph. I offered to lecture at the local library on my experiences as a professional news photographer - twice. They loved the idea both times and I never heard back from them. One of the professional Hudson River environmental organizations heard of the years of footage that I have been shooting of the river and expressed interest in obtaining it. Never heard back from them, either. I have produced an outstanding documentary on the legendary photojournalist Nat Fein that was very well received in previews. It sits on a shelf for lack of finishing funds.

And, of course, I have my writing - one of the few things that gives me solace these days. Still, I feel that it lacks a universal appeal that I so desperately desire. I always write with the best of intentions. Now, this does not mean to be "soft". At times, if one truly has a conscience and wishes to write with honesty and integrity, they are bound to step on some toes. But, still, I don't want my writing to be mean-spirited. I have to find a way to be critical when necessary but with compassion for the subject at the same time. And, I don't always accomplish this. I want to turn them ON, not off. This is the challenge. And, lately, I seem to be turning as many "off" as "on".

And, of course, my super ego allows me to believe that I can accomplish all of these things. When I fail to, it's a blow to my self esteem. So, I just seem to get LOUDER in the hopes that the good that I believe I do as a person and artist will get not only noticed, but acknowledged. I don't even like myself when I get this way - all sound and fury, signifying nothing.

There are certainly more ups in my life than downs. Overall, my health and the health of the ones I love is good. I am not cold, hungry, or homeless. I have my wits, mostly, about me. This must be acknowledged to maintain a proper perspective. But, I also think that, from time to time, it's important to reassess our place in the world. Perhaps, because I turn 61 in a few weeks, some might call this a Midlife Crisis. But, I don't feel that way. Age has always been relative to the way we feel and act. And, I don't think that I feel OR act old - certainly not my age - physically I can run rings around most 24 year-olds - as if that were important.

In the past, I have used the analogy of Run Silent. Run Deep to describe my current mental state. It was a tactic used by WWII submarine commanders. If enemy ships were dropping depth charges around the submarine, the commander would order the boat to dive to its deepest depths and cease all activity once that depth was reached. In this way, the commander hoped that, in the silence of the deep, the charges would not be able to find their mark and, therefore, explode harmlessly around the sub. The bombardment could last for minutes or hours. All the men could do was wait and hope - their fate was not in their own hands. . . .

When You Think About It: Instant Gratification.

F LoBuono

We're getting soft. Well, at least I think that I am. We get so used to so-called creature comforts that the slightest interruption in the routine that provides for our well being can cause us great angst. And, we take so much of it for granted.

Case in point:

It was a cool but pleasant night when I entered my car for my drive into the City and work. In fact, considering the time of year, it was unseasonably warm. I figured that once I got in the car, it would be warm enough for me to wear just a light jacket. I dressed accordingly. I turned the ignition key, fired up the engine, and tuned the radio to get a traffic report. I began my journey. After a short while, I noticed that it was starting to get a bit chilly inside of the car. Initially I shrugged off the cold. I thought to myself, jeez, you're not really going to turn the heat on. It's not THAT cold. Now, I know that it may sound silly but I like to test myself in little ways. And, this could be one of those ways. Why not acclimate yourself to the cooler temperatures? You know, be one with your environment without looking to change/improve it all of the time.

Well, after about 15 minutes, I started to really notice just how cold I was getting. Now, let's be clear - it was chilly, not cold! Still, it was not PLEASANT. Eventually, I said to myself, screw this! I'm turning the heat on. NOW!! And, I did. The nearly IMMEDIATE warmth felt oh so good.

This may seem like such a small, insignificant incident. And, in truth, it was. But, it can also be seen as symptomatic of a greater malaise. We want what we want when we want it. And, if that doesn't happen, something is very wrong with the world. Think about it - if you want water, you go to a faucet, turn it on and, voile. If you need light, you go to the switch, flip it, and, voile. If you need food, you go the refrigerator, open it, and, voile. We are constantly in the middle of nearly INSTANT gratification.

Think about it. When we want or need something it better be available, quickly, or there could be hell to pay. How many of us have flown into a near rage simply because our computer took more than a few seconds to boot up?! Or, god forbid we should be put on hold for more than a minute or two while on the phone. How many of us throw our hands in the air in frustration if we wait on the grocery line too long? I know that I'm guilty of all those infractions.

We live in an age of Instant Gratification. We have even invented new words to describe it like Fast Food, Quickcheck, and Instagram. All of them imply speedy service for any and all of our needs.

It always makes me wonder what people did in the days before we had all of these marvelous creature comforts. My mother laughs when I ask what people did in the days before the ubiquitous presence of air conditioning, saying: "we suffered and endured"!  It seems the "good ol' days" maybe weren't so good after all.

Then there is the question of the future. How would we survive if all of this were taken away from us now? Perhaps, we wouldn't survive. We've become too soft, too content to struggle too much. And, if we did actually survive, would we/could we thrive?

There are many who would say that having all of these comforts has created a weaker "modern" human being. They say that our ancestors where the ones with the right stuff. And, they just might be right. But, these are the only times that we will ever know. There is no going back. It's up to us to educate ourselves and future generations that most often the best things in life are like a sumptuous, well-prepared meal: it takes time to prepare it, it takes time to cook it, and, to be truly enjoyed, it should take time to consume it. Everything else is just fast-food snacking.

Today's Mostly True Story: Karen

F LoBuono

She wasn't particularly attractive and was a little on the chubby side. In fact, my friends derided her by calling her "Fat Karen", even though she wasn't really fat. She dressed like a hippie of her era and rarely wore make-up or fancy clothes. Her hair was dirty blonde, pin straight, and cut around her shoulders. There really wasn't anything terribly special about her except, perhaps, her ice blue eyes. But, she was sharp - razor sharp. And, she was crazy about me.

I met Karen when we were students together in college. She was a year or two behind me but, since we were both biology/pre-med majors, we shared a few courses together. Her father was a professor and taught at NY medical college. Her mother was an academic and equally well educated. So, she had those "smart genes". We became study partners and a short time later, lovers.

Whatever Karen may have lacked in physical attributes, she made up for with smarts, determination, and good humor. And, she was always eager to please - especially me.

After class, we would drive to her folk's home in Rutherford, NJ. for additional study and "extracurricular" activities. It was a great, old Victorian with lots of rooms and nooks and crannies. As I mentioned earlier, her parents were academics and eccentric, to say the least. It was not unusual to run into one or the other walking naked from room to room. They also had and smoked the best pot! In fact, for Christmas, Karen always got an ounce from their best stock. Of course, yours truly had the good fortune in sharing the bounty!

We would arrive some time in the late afternoon and go over our school work for an hour or so while we smoked some of that great pot. After getting sufficiently stoned and silly we would inevitably wind up in Karen's bed. I suppose that because she was not a "looker" she relied on her other feminine skills to make herself an incredible lover. She was so giving! Often, it seemed that all I had to do was be there and that was enough for Karen. She made virtually no demands on me except to be present in the moment. And, it was wonderful. She taught me as much about the art of making love as any woman I've ever known. She showed me how to give AND take. She was fearless. Chubby, Little, Fat Karen was quite a woman. Considering the timing, she was certainly one of the most important people in my life.

In a sense, we were lovers in the purist sense of the word. We had no expectations except to live for that particular moment. There was no talk of marriage or a future together. It was not important. We were young, free, wild, and not so innocent. And, that's all that mattered.

After school we went our separate ways and we lost touch.  I've had many lovers since and even got married. I heard that she married, too. But, we've had no contact in nearly forty years. Still, once in a while, on a dark, quiet night, I will think of her and smile.

Today's Oh, really? For when there's really nothing left to say.

F LoBuono

New Feature:
          Oh, really???????
                        For when there's really nothing left to say.

Let me get this straight - The leading GOP candidate for President of the U.S., Donald Trump, thinks it important we know that the size of his dick is more than adequate.

And, he said so "LIVE" during a debate on national television.

Oh, REALLY??????

Today's MOZEN: There. I Said It!

Words and photo by F LoBuono

Man, I've been in a mood lately. Ranging from smug indignation to total resignation to righteous rage, a whole assortment of emotions have swept over me. As I enter my 60's I suppose that it's natural to question where you've been and just where you may be going. And, right now, I'm not sure that I'm crazy about either!

Partly, it's in my DNA. I'm a restless sort. I'm always looking to do more, to see more, to learn more, to BE more. I find it difficult to rest on my laurels - even if I had them to rest upon. It can be exhausting! Often, I just want so much to not give a shit. But, I can't. It's not my nature. I can't just look away. If I see something, I say something. Now, this does not make me a "busy body". I respect people's privacy and I expect the same in return. But, I always seem to wind up on the side of "'tis nobler to suffer the slings and outrageous fortune, and, by opposing, end them"!

I guess I always seem to be opposing something I see as unjust or wrong- often myself. Anyway, I never approach anything with a half-assed attitude. This ambiance is often misunderstood. I guess that it's safe to say that my passion can sometimes be seen as arrogance. It shouldn't be, but I suppose that it's fair to say that it's a little bit of both.

Still, my life's impetus is to see the glass as half full, good things are as likely to happen as bad, always look on the bright side, and yada, yada, yada . . .

I have a million other inspirational slogans and memes - all of them make sense. And, I use them. I believe them. Still, there are other times when I just need to say -

Fuck it - fuck this - fuck me, and, fuck you. Fuck everything.

There, I said it. And, it feels great. Nothing like it. Sort of like taking a good dump. You'd rather not stink up the place, but once you let it all go, it feels so damned good!! Vulgar? Sure. But, sometimes, it just feels so good to be bad.

Now, what's best about this rant is that it's not focused on any one particular person, place, or thing - except, perhaps, me! It's like holding your breath to the point of bursting and then exhaling - AHHHHH!!!!

There. I feel better already.

Today's MOZEN: NO MERCI'!!

Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand

I rarely post material from others (it's my blog, after all) and NEVER twice. But, one of TalkFrank's mottos is "Rules Are Made to be Broken". So, here it is.  And, it is me . . . 

Cyrano de Bergerac: What would you have me do? Seek for the patronage of some great man and like a creeping vine on a tall tree, crawl upward where I cannot stand alone? No thank you! Be a buffoon in the vile hope of teasing out a smile on some cold face? No thank you! Eat a toad for breakfast each morning? Make my knees callous? Cultivate a supple spine? Wear out my belly groveling in the dust? No thank you! With my left hand, scratch the back of any swine that roots up gold for me, while my right, too proud to know his partner's business, takes in the fee? No thank you! Shall I use the fire God gave me, to burn incense all day long? No, thank you! Struggle to insinuate my name into the columns of the Gazette? Calculate, scheme, be afraid? Love more to make a visit than a poem? Seek introductions, favors, influences? No, thank you! No, I thank you and again, I thank you!

Cyrano de Bergerac: But to sing, to laugh to dream To walk in my own way, free, with an eye to see things as they are. A voice that means manhood. To cock my hat where I choose. At a word... a yes, a no. To fight, or write... but never to make a line I have not heard in my own heart. To travel any road under the sun, under the stars. Nor care if fame or fortune lie beyond the bourne. Yet, with all modesty to say, my soul be satisfied with flowers, with weeds, with thorns, even... but gather them in the one garden you may call your own. You know well I am too proud to be a parasite. And if my intellect is not the germ that grows towering to Heaven like the mountain pine, I'd stand not high as may be... but alone.

Today's MOZEN: GET MAD AS HELL!

F LoBuono

I'M AS MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most of us have heard this angry lament before. It certainly ranks among the most famous lines uttered in movie history. In fact, it has been used so often and in so many ways that it's easy to forget exactly where it came from and what it ultimately means.

Well, it was written by the brilliant Paddy Chayefsky, and uttered by Peter Finch in his seminal role as "mad" TV News anchorman, Howard Beale, in the film "Network". Released in 1976, the movie criticizes the over-commercialism of the TV News industry and, with it, the dehumanizing of the American experience.

Beale, a veteran and well respected newsman for a major TV network, suffers an apparent nervous breakdown "live"on the air. In the middle of one night's newscast, he suddenly breaks away from the program's normal copy and interjects his own, rambling editorial rant against the rise of the corporation and the loss of the individual. His eyes flash and his demeanor takes on that of a preacher who's soul has been infused with the blinding light of the holy spirit as he delivers his "sermon".

Something is certainly not "normal". Most of the world would see it as psychotic behavior. His closest friends certainly do. However, Beale does not. Rather, he believes it to an epiphany - a gift. He believes that he sees with searing clarity and, so, eagerly treads the fine line between madness and brilliance. He is no longer afraid to say EXACTLY what he feels, regardless of the consequences.

At first, the audience is not sure how to react. But, eventually, his words resonate with them, And, the more "mad" he becomes the more they want him. With a huge spike in the ratings caused by Beale's eccentricities, the Network is not about to pull him off the air (as they should). In fact, they do the opposite. They decide to build an elaborate entertainment style program around his editorials. He is given the Nom De Guerre;The Mad Profit of the Airways. He does not disappoint. He rants. He raves. He slices away all of the bull shit to get to the very marrow of every issue. He's visceral.

The audience LOVES him. And, the madder he gets, the more they love him.

The "mad as hell" scene shows Finch at his most brilliant (he won the Academy Award for best actor). After waking suddenly from a dream where he receives his "epiphany" he walks all night in the driving rain. Eventually, he arrives at the studio, still in his soaking wet pajamas. Without missing a beat he walks past the security guard, uttering:

"I must make my witness" as he passes.

The guard opens the door and replies simply, "Sure thing, Mr. Beale".

Stride unbroken, he takes his place behind the anchor desk. His hair is unkempt. He eyes glare. Clutching the desk as if to keep him from launching out of his seat, his voice starts evenly and then rises.

"I don't have to tell you that things are bad .  . . we know things are bad. Worse than bad. They're crazy". . .

Then, later

"I want you to get mad!  . . . You've got to say 'I'm a human being, goddamn it! My life has value"!

Rising from behind his desk, hands in the air as if to beg the heavens themselves, he says:
"So, I want you to get up now.  I want you all to get up and open up your windows and stick you head out and yell 'I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE'"!!

The response has become part of cinematic legend. The entire film is a brilliant indictment on our political system, the media, and the over-commercialization of our society. Network went on to win the Academy Awards for Best Picture and Screenplay.

"You've got to say 'I'm a human being, goddamn it! My life has value'"!

It resonated in 1976 and it has proven prophetic today. The current political climate where people are looking for someone to give THEIR lives value is evidence of the message's longevity. The question is; where is today's Howard Beale? Who will focus the people's dissatisfaction and outright anger into a force of real change?

Some would argue that the current GOP front-runner, Donald Trump, is the heir apparent. He passes himself off as an outsider who "tells it like it is". He certainly speaks his mind and it has found traction with millions of Americans. The issue really is if WHAT he speaks is both truthful and practical. Most of it has been shown as to not be the case. In other words, when he is not exaggerating he is lying. Trump lacks the penetrating, almost mystical, insight of Beale. Where Beale is convincing in his righteous indignation, missionary zeal, and consuming passion, Trump is more like clashing symbols: he gets noticed mainly because he is LOUD.

I know Howard Beale and Donald Trump is no Howard Beale!

Now, Democratic candidate, Bernie Sanders, makes for an interesting case as Beale's heir. He certainly has been successful in running his campaign as a political outsider. He, too, has gained traction with million of Americans. His main message of eliminating income inequality has gained enough traction to vault him from being a curiosity to a real threat to win the nomination. He has shown the zeal and given the impression (literally) of a Mad Prophet of the Airways. He certainly has the hair! The real issue is that this is NOT a movie. This is for all the marbles. Can Sanders' proposals REALLY work?

In the final analysis, Beale's message is to focus you anger and dissatisfaction into direct, personal action. Get Mad as Hell. Let them know you are not going to take it anymore. There is a way. There is a time. The way is to VOTE. The time is NOW.

Epilogue: Here's a link to the actual scene - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_qgVn-Op7Q

Notes From The Campaign Trail: Super Tuesday

Words and photos by F LoBuono

There are two things to take away from the so-called Super Tuesday primary contests - both of them good:

1. It is becoming more and more apparent that Donald Trump will be representing the GOP.
2. It is becoming more and more apparent that Hillary Clinton will be representing the Democrats.

I know many friends who will be horrified by these facts. They shouldn't be.

The idea that a demagogue like Donald Trump could win the nomination of a major political party boggles the mind. However, it has happened. Many say this should not be a surprise - the GOP has been heading for this type of disaster for a long time. The inclusion of Tea Party fanatics sealed their fate a long time ago. And, here within, my friends, lies the good news. The Republicans, once again, have put forth a candidate who is controversial at best and, quite possibly, un-electable at worst. Trump's greatest strength is also his most glaring weakness - he is polarizing. This, of course, like in the last election cycle, allows the Democrats to seize the momentum at a time when they should have been most vulnerable.

Now, there are some, particularly supporters of Bernie Sanders, who will not necessarily see Hillary Clinton's victory as a good thing. But, they should. Sanders had many people feeling The Bern but, in the end, his age and more radical platform worked against him. People simply saw Clinton as more qualified. And, she is. In addition, I have it from a reliable inside source that this was part of her strategy from the very beginning of the campaign. In an attempt to achieve a broad base of support, she would start off her campaign on a rather conservative note. This would provide a contrast between her and the more radical agenda of Sanders. Then, as she gained momentum, she would roll out more and more of her progressive agenda. And, it seems to be working. She has been more clear in her support of issues like women's rights, the environment, and income inequality. And, she is increasing the rhetoric. She still has a long way to go in "the trust department" but she is getting there, too. She has weathered every Benghazi related attack against her. Her improving numbers nationally are a strong indicator that this is, indeed, improving.

So, take heart free thinkers and lovers of true liberty. The election is ours to win. All we need do is stick together - and VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!