Today's LESSON IN SARCASM: The Attack of the Leaf Blowers!

F LoBuono

It happens at this time every year - when the moon is full in the late autumn sky. Hordes of mechanized brown men descend on our neighborhood. Belching smoke, bellowing like a horny moose, they are relentless in their attacks on the innocent and harmless leaves who are already dead anyway.

Hour after hour, their assault is nearly continuous. Not a leaf will survive. Nor, will my fragile psyche. In the ultimate act of white privilege I surrender to their relentless and brutal assault on peace, quiet, air quality - and, my ears. In fact, they call to me even as I write this. But, I have to admit, the lawns look great.

I suppose this must be the price that we pay for living in such bucolic splendor (not). City folk must endure the relentless hum of crowds, construction, and crime. That is their choice and cross to bear. We, up here in the gentle river villages must, likewise, endure  - the seemingly endless drone of small, but very loud, gas-powered engines. Looking like robots in their blower/backpacks, the army assaults not just one house, but house after house. After all, how would they make money doing just one? So, they do the BLOCK. Look at it this way: about an hour/house X 6 houses = 6 hours - of continuous, high pitched whining!! Well, let my wails join the cacophony.

For me, it really is more than just a quality of life issue (although that should be enough) - it's a health issue. Like a vampire, I usually work nights and sleep when I can during the day. Try THAT when the roar begins at 8 and ends around 4 or 5. No, my friends, the horde wins - every time.

Obviously, nothing can stop the horde. It's been going on for years on only gets worse. Legislation seems to fail to gain enough momentum to get an ordinance to at least limit it. Look, I understand that people make a living feeding this beast. And, that's fine. But, THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE to the noise and pollution caused by using machines in a natural environment.

It's called RAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, that's just me. And, everyone knows I'm crazy.

That is all.