When You Think About It: Nature vs. Nurture

F LoBuono

There are many who will find fault in what I'm about to write. In fact, there are many who find fault in EVERYTHING that I write! Be that as it may, I am still compelled to do so.

Triggered by the accusations of sexual abuse and exploitation of women by movie mogul Harvey Weinstein and others, a revolution is occurring. Tens of millions of women have come forward to share their own experiences with sexual violence, intimidation, and abuse. Hopefully, this will create an epiphany in ALL men to realize that women will no longer tolerate being treated simply as objects of their pleasure (IF they ever did).

However, I've been searching for answers as to HOW we got to this point in the first place. Despite the objections of others, I believe that I have put forth some reasonable explanations as to why in a number of posts. NOTHING happens in a vacuum and this situation is certainly no exception. As I posted previously, many scientific disciplines are necessary to be involved to come to any reasonable understanding of the problem.

One of those disciplines is Evolution. You know, that Darwinian Thing that shapes the very world around us and determines just what we are supposed to be in the bigger picture. ALL animals got to where they are now by following the process of evolution.

And, it's a beautiful thing.

The scientific name for evolution is NATURAL SELECTION (a.k.a. the survival of the fittest). Simply put, it means that nature has a master plan for every living creature. And, those that can adapt the best to the surroundings are the species most likely to survive.

So, how does that apply to human beings and the current situation?

Well, if you REALLY understand evolution as a theory, the sexual tension/conflict between men and women is perfectly natural and, in some ways, essential.

Allow me to explain.

Men's brains are wired to procreate - and, as much as they possibly can. Alpha males in almost EVERY species (especially mammals) compete to pass their own genes on to as many females as possible. This is true of so many animals including lions and tigers and bears - oh, my!! Males will fight, sometimes to the death, for the privilege of mating. That's some pretty powerful drive! Humans think and, feel so, that must be added to the equation. But, make no mistake about it, the urge for men to sew their seeds is real and potent.

Now, women's brains are, generally (remember their are variations in ALL species), programmed completely differently. Females need the right conditions to mate. They have to be fertile. And, they will not mate with an "inferior" male. It's important that they also know that THEIR offspring will genetically sound. So, they resist even persistent males until it is right for THEM.

This doesn't seem to make sense - right? Why should humans be at odds when it comes to something as important as survival of the species?

Well, that's the beauty of the theory - it really works!

And, it's a simple as this: Humans are the most successful species on the planet - by far. In fact, we dominate the earth to the point of abuse. Many scientist say that within the next few years we may seriously overpopulate the planet to its destruction, if we haven't already. Can you imagine how many trillions of people would inhabit the earth if we did not have this simple check and balance?? And, that's exactly what it is - men want it and women reject it - unless they are ready.

Therefore, the HUMAN issue is how do we balance nature vs nurture. A man's nature, if you will, is to be aggressive sexually. A woman's is to wait. However, we must nurture our young men to understand that we are complex beings with thoughts, desires, dreams, and emotions. ALL of these things must be considered if we are to be truly successful as animals AND human beings.

So, When You Think About It, This is our challenge: striking the balance of what we are as creatures in the natural world and what we are as thinking, feeling HUMAN beings will be the key. And, it always has been.

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: Like No Other

Words and photos by F LoBuono

You couldn't miss them. At least, I couldn't. It was a young family; husband, wife, and a toddler who was maybe 2 or 3 years-old. The reason they stood out was that the whole family was dressed as Captain America - dad was wearing the official version, the wife a female facsimile, and the baby was in his own mini version. Obviously, they were heading for the annual Nyack Halloween Parade.

As I approached them on South Broadway, the woman was lining up dad and baby for a photo. I quickly crossed the street and said to her: "I'll make you a deal. If you let me make a photo of the 3 of you with my camera, I'll make one of all of you with your camera". With a brogue as thick as an Irish morning's mist, she responded: "oh, sir, that would be grand"! She then introduced me to her husband, Sean, and her infant son, Liam. Yep, the Captain America Family was as Irish as that day was long. Only in Nyack!!

I made the photos for them and me and then asked, "have you ever been to the parade before"? She respond that they hadn't but were very excited to attend. I assured them that THIS was the best America had to offer and they would see why soon enough.

Later, during the parade, I saw them proudly marching up Broadway. They were now officially part of the diverse fabric of a community that we call The Nyacks. It's like no other . . .

Today's MOZEN: Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar.

F LoBuono

Recently, two women have come forward accusing former President George H.W. Bush of inappropriate sexual contact. President Bush, who is 93 years-old, released a statement from a spokesperson basically acknowledging the recent incidents but also qualified them by saying that Mr. Bush, who is confined to a wheelchair, patted the women on their backsides in a friendly and humorous way, never intending any harm. He also apologized, saying through his spokesperson: To anyone he has offended, President Bush apologizes.

Of course, these incidents and the corresponding statement by President Bush are bound to be controversial. On one hand, there will be those who will not entertain ANY type of excuse (or, explanation) for that type of behavior. And, they would be mostly right. However, there will be others who will be more understanding of Mr. Bush's age and condition, arguing that he comes from a different era when patting a woman's backside, under certain circumstances, was considered harmless hi jinks. After all, we are products of the social morals under which we were raised.

It reminds me of an elderly gentleman who was once very much a part of the fabric of the Village of Nyack, NY.  John "Butch" Logue was a fixture at O'Donoghue's Tavern in the heart of the town. He was so entrenched there that the owners even had a barber's chair installed with a name plate on it reserved for his use only. When I met him, this ex-WWI Marine was already into his 90's. He was always smiling and laughing making him extremely popular among the other bar patrons. One thing that I remember in particular with Butch (who always wore his Marine issue hat) was that whenever any women bent down to kiss him on the cheek while he was sitting on his "throne", they always placed their hands over his. It made me curious, so I asked one why she did that. She explained, "oh, we all do that to keep Butch from coping a free feel"! And, she said without any hint of fear, malice, or disgust in her voice. They expected it and then dealt with it. There was no malice.

Now, again, there may be some who will say "what filthy old men". I get it. Inappropriate touching is never ultimately OK. However, in the cases of President Bush and Butch Logue, one should certainly take into account their ages and how that effected their behavior. And, I don't mean because they are senile. They are men who are (were) products of the environment in which they were raised. So, should this be seen as TRULY abhorrent behavior? I think that, perhaps, not. Because, sometimes, a cigar is simply a cigar.

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: The Red Rose

F LoBuono

She was walking up 57th St. with two male companions, heading west towards 10th Ave. From their appearance and attitude, I could tell that they were street people. The men wore baggy pants and jean jackets. The woman had a leather jacket on and kept her hair up in dreadlocks. They all walked like they owned that sidewalk. They continued up 57th while I searched for a parking spot. That's when I noticed it - clutched in the woman's left hand was a single, plastic, red rose.

Today's MOZEN: Whose Side Are You On?

F LoBuono

In an extraordinary move this afternoon, two hardcore, traditional, well-respected Republican legislators suddenly grew a set of balls and spoke up against a President whom they see as under qualified, spurious, and, perhaps, downright dangerous.

Jeff Flake, Senator from Arizona, and Bob Corker, Senator from Tennessee, both of whom are not seeking re-election, held nothing back when slamming the President for what they see as his malfeasance. Flake's emotional, impassioned speech on the floor of the Senate was nothing short of historic. Corker made his accusations in a series of astounding interviews conducted on Capitol Hill. Both men made it clear that their scruples and morals would no longer allow them to serve a President with such a confused and degenerate agenda.

Now, there are many who, based on the two men's previous voting records, are skeptical, to say the least, about their intentions. Some have even gone so far as to call them rats deserting a sinking ship.

I'm not so convinced. Listening to both men left me with the impression that they were honest in their appraisal of not only the failing policy of this administration but the very effect it will have on the morals of future generations! It's a shit storm and they've had enough.

Others have suggested that by leaving, the Senators have, in a sense, thrown in the towel, and capitulated when they should be fighting back. They make a valid point. However, again, I tend to disagree. Both men are hold offices in extremely Red States who overwhelmingly supported Mr. Trump in the election and, unfortunately, still do. Therefore, in reality, they committed political suicide by their bold acts. This is political reality. Therefore, they should be lauded for their actions, not condemned. Rather then be abused for the stance (they already have been viciously attacked by the President in a series of Tweets), they should be lauded for their courage.

Of course, this leaves their seats open to candidates who DO support Mr. Trump's agenda, giving him an even greater strangle hold on our destiny. Well, so be it! The battle lines are now clearly drawn. Either you share in Mr. Trump's vision of what America is and will continue to become. Or, you can draw your line in the sand as have Mr's. Flake and Corker and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This will be a struggle for the very hearts of minds of Americans.

What side will you be on?

When You Think About It: Teach ALL of Your Children

F LoBuono

A movement has begun on Social Media.

In reaction to the accusations against movie mogul Harvey Weinstein of sexual predation that he allegedly perpetrated against numerous individuals, women have responded by the millions with the simple phrase "Me, too". The meaning is obvious; they have all been sexually assaulted or abused at one time or another in their lives. The number of women responding in the affirmative has been staggering.

It has led me the ask, why is this happening? How is this happening?

The answer is complex and involves biology, chemistry, endocrinology, psychology, physiology, evolution, and a host of other factors that make us human. And, we have largely accepted/believed that "nature's way" was to have the male dominate the female, particularly sexually. How many of us remember that old cartoon of the caveman, club over his shoulder, dragging a woman by the hair to his lair where he will have his way with her? This is the image that many of us have grown up to laugh out but, at the same time, sadly accept as basically truthful.

Well, as we continue to evolve as a species, we are changing physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Over the course of millennia, women have struggle to prove their worth in society as more than receptacles for our seed and the objects of our wanton desire. They are our equals in EVERY way! And, they continue that struggle.

So, why, then, does the abuse keep happening?

Certainly, the male has to deal with impulse and nuance when dealing on a sexual level with women. And, in our society (as it is in most of the world), the male is considered the aggressor. So, if he has been conditioned to treat women as an object of sexual desire, that's exactly how he will deal with her. 

And, I must say that often women themselves contribute to their own dilemma.

Allow me to clarify.

Working in the news business has left me with a bizarre schedule. I work evenings and nights most of the time, often coming home after midnight. When I get to my apartment, I usually don't go right to sleep. I usually have a little something to eat, a cocktail or beer, and then turn on the TV to watch for an hour or so.  I'm a pretty selective TV viewer, so I won't watch just anything. In fact, about the only thing that I make an effort to watch is the best satire on television - South Park. The show is certainly geared to young men in the 25 and older crowd. And, the commercial ads reflect that demographic. There is a regular dose of advertisements that feature sexy, scantily clad, young girls, enticing men of ALL ages, to give them a call ASAP so that "we can party while my parents are away"!

Seriously.

There are dozens of shots of firm, little buttocks with just a thin layer of cloth covering the flesh beneath. There is a bevy of young women, staring into the cameras, lips pursed, begging us to call and "play" with them. I could name the sites but I won't bother. I have no desire to give them any free advertising. But, believe me, they are there by the dozen - all beseeching men to call and "pay" them some attention.

Now, I'm sure that these young women were well paid for "acting" in these commercials (or, perhaps, they were not!). But, make no mistake about what they were selling - S.E.X. with men of any age, ethnicity, social standing, etc. The only qualification the men were to have was to be of some means, i.e. M.O.N.E.Y. I understand that selling sex is now a "respected" business that we actually call the Sex Industry. So be it. I'm not judging here. But, in reality, how can we expect young men to strike a balance and respect women, avoid abusing them, and, at the same time, see dozens of women who not only say they want you to objectify them - they LOVE it. Don't you think this sends a very confusing mixed message to our young men? And, remember, without the proper guidance, these young men might eventually develop in to the Harvey Weinsteins of the world!

This is different than a woman who might dress a bit provocatively (whatever that ultimately means) and is demeaned for doing so. A woman has a RIGHT to dress as she chooses without the fear of being judged or even assaulted. However, in the circumstance that I'm talking about, young women are actively soliciting sex from young men. It's simply the wrong message at the wrong time!

Now, you may say that it's a man's responsibility to distinguish between the two, but that is much easier said then done. We are talking about impressionable young men who are at an age when their hormones are raging and they are in the process of taking relationships (and, sex) seriously. Do we not want to send the right message to them? And, what responsibility do these young women bear?

So, when you think about it, it's NOT A ONE WAY STREET.

Parents, teach your children well - boys AND girls!

Today's MOZEN: There is NO Excuse

F LoBuono

In light of what is absolutely dominating the Internet on the subject of sexual abuse, I am compelled to respond.

As a man raised by two "old world" parents who CONSTANTLY reminded me that ALL women are to be respected on ALL levels, ALL of the time, I am completely appalled by the amount of women who have reported some type of sexual abuse in their lives. But, unfortunately, not surprised.

Although I have never assaulted a woman, I have been aware of it, and done nothing, chalking the abuse up to male hi-jnks, experimentation, and other lame excuses - hearing others often blaming the woman herself - the drunk bitch deserved it. But, there is no excuse. If I knew then what I know now, I surely would have done something. Still, for this, I will always bear some shame.

The challenge for a man, as a being within the animal kingdom with a mission to procreate, is that there is an eternal, inner drive to mate. And, we are always looking for the signs to do so; a verbal expression, a suggestive glance, or an enticing moment that encourages us to precede.  However, we are creatures who think and feel. So, this should not be seen as a license or excuse to engage in abhorrent behavior. Men must understand that there are consequences to our actions. We must strike a balance between the two worlds. Both are powerful emotions and the wrestling match between them is an on-going struggle. I know. I deal with it - as does every other man. We cajole a little here, suggest a little there - but, to a POINT! The key, I believe, is to understand when enough is enough -NO means NO. Flirting is one thing. Abuse is another. Biology can NEVER be an excuse for deviant activities.

And, I always knew the difference

Because I was taught so.

Unfortunately, many of my friends either were not, or ignored the lesson.

My father would REGULARLY take a few moments, especially after an argument with my mother, to say, Frankie, women will make you mad. They know all of the right buttons to push to bring you right to the edge. You'll be so angry that you'll want to strike. Don't. Simply don't. You can never accomplish anything by striking a woman. EVER. And, always be a gentleman when you court a woman (yes, he was that old-fashioned and used that term). Never take advantage of a woman. EVER.

My mother, the inimitable Stella, had her own approach. Every time she knew that I was about to go out on a date, she would grab me just before I left to say, Frankie, remember, you have a mother and a sister. I would respond: what the hell does that mean? You know EXACTLY what that means, was her standard response.

 And, I did.

Parents, teach your children well - especially your boys.

The staggering amount of women who have expressed the fact that they were sexual assaulted on some level is shocking, simply shocking. How could it have taken this long for us to get this far?

So, ladies, as if my apology could possibly make a difference, I still must say how deeply sorry I am for all that you have endured. There are honorable men. And, the fact that we are even having this conversation is a sign that we can be better - we will be better.

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: Back to the Pilgrims

F LoBuono

While taking one on our daily sojourns into town, Rexie and I ran into one of our favorite couples: Toma and her hound, the mighty Yogi (he's about 4 lbs., Rexie is about 110). Toma is one of my favorite people on the planet. She is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, seamstress, designer, business owner,  activist, and, quite possibly, Bodhisattva.

As is our custom, we great each other warmly with gentle hugs and kisses on the cheek. Toma usually begins our conversations in Italian. From there. our topics can be wide ranging and usually include some type of discourse on the day's political scene. Today was no exception.

I asked her if she had seen the President's address this morning to the Values Voter Summit, a conservative Christian organization. She replied, unfortunately, yes. I told her that I had also watched it and was disappointed, but certainly not surprised, by the content of the speech. In my mind, he could have boiled the whole thing down to its simplest terms: LET'S MAKE AMERICA WHITE AND CHRISTIAN AGAIN.

Toma took it one step further saying, this is bad for us - anyone like you and I with a little more melanin in our skin. These people want to take this Country back to the days of the Pilgrims when everyone was WHITE, ANGLO-SAXON, AND PROTESTANT. And, we were slaves. We're not moving forward. We going backwards!

And, she couldn't be more right. The crowd, most definitely the President's base, i.e. white, working class, roared with delight on almost every word - no more so then when Mr. Trump said that he was "putting the word Christmas back in the Holidays" (like anyone every prevented him or anyone else from doing so).

It was, for anyone not blessed with fair skin or so-called Christian values, a message: get with the program - or, get out.

Well, you get what you pay for. And, we bought a bilious, bellicose, bully.

Toma and I hugged again, kissed, and pledged to keep up the good fight wherever it might take us and went our separate ways - for Toma that meant getting a empty jar so that she could fill it with donations to send to Puerto Rico. That's something we all can do.

When You Think About It: God Has Nothing To With It

F LoBuono

Devastating hurricanes. Ferocious wild fires. Catastrophic floods. Disastrous droughts. Deadly earthquakes. It's as if god (or, gods) is expressing his/her displeasure with our current lack of faith and contrition by raining catastrophes of so-called biblical proportion down on our heads.

And, I've never heard a bigger bunch of bull shit in my entire life!

God, should there actually be one, has absolutely nothing to do with this. And, it's a cheap cop-out to fault him/her. We have no one to blame for these calamities but ourselves. For years, if not eons, we have selfishly exploited our natural resources, degrading the very earth we call home to the point of near destruction. For the sake of profit, we have used and abused the very substrate that supports life itself. Our industries indiscriminately pour poisons into our lakes, streams, and rivers, polluting the very source of life itself. Our factories belch black, toxic smoke into the atmosphere, contaminating the very air we breath. Our agriculture institutions use carcinogenic chemicals to grow our food, infecting our very ability to survive.

Not god.

WE made things this way. And, WE can fix it. God need not be involved.

But, we have to WANT TO.

With the current administration's Environmental Agenda (or, LACK of one) looking to roll back every piece of logically conceived legislation to protect the environment, the chances of it getting any better are slim and none. Just today, Scott Pruitt, the head of the EPA, announced that it's ending the so-called "war on coal" (another of DJT's campaign promises). In other words, every regulation that was created to curb coal's tendency to create airborne pollution is now gone - all for the sake of profit. And, this is just the latest in a campaign to prioritize profit over safety. It's shameful.

This administration proudly states that it's all about putting to people to work. That's all well and good. But, at what ULTIMATE cost. When there is no more air to breath, water to drink, or healthy food to eat, what will Trump's supporters do then? Perhaps, they will eat their profits.

Despite the fact that 97% of the world's most reputable scientists make the claim that human interference (i.e. pollution) is a major contributing factor to Global Warming, the primary cause of these major weather/earth disturbances, this Administration and its supporters deny this to be so. Well, in response, I say this: you don't have to be a friggin' scientist to get it. You just have to look out of your window and open your fucking eyes.

Today's MOZEN: A Tale of Two Bridges

F LoBuono

This is a Tale of Two Bridges. Both have played significant roles in my life. Now, one is gone (or, shortly will be) - being replaced by a more modern, efficient structure. I have always found it interesting that as they spanned a mighty river, so have they connected the elements of my life.

When I was a kid growing up in Fort Lee, N.J. the mighty George Washington Bridge was the dominant structure in the town and our lives.  In fact, it played such an integral role that the town's high school teams were known as The Bridgemen. Since it is the busiest bridge in the world, plans had to made to account for the crippling traffic that would back up from the bridge and into the town. Holidays were particularly ferocious with long lines of cars snaking through almost every neighborhood.

But, it wasn't all drudgery. My friends and I would frequently fish under the superstructure, catching mostly eels and the occasional stripper bass. When we were old enough or, more accurately, ALMOST old enough, we would walk across the span to go to a bar called The Melody Lounge in Washington Heights because they would serve cheap beer to just about anyone! We kept going there until we heard some kid got stabbed, effectively ending our sojourns across the River.

The George Washington Bridge.

But, there was another bridge in my life. It's official name was The Governor Malcolm Wilson-Tappan Zee Bridge. We called it simply the TZ. Obviously, it was named partially after the governor of New York who built it. The other names come from the Native American tribe, the Tappan, who inhabited the area when it was first discovered by Henry Hudson, and the Dutch (who settled the area in the middle of the 17th Century) word for "sea".

We also called it The Upstate Bridge.

Although only about 25 miles north of the George Washington (GWB), to us, it seemed a world away. While the GWB was massive and constantly congested, the TZ seemed almost quaint and peaceful in comparison. Just taking a ride up Route 9W (the major north-south artery between the two structures) confirmed that impression. Fort Lee and the surrounding locales were getting more and more urban by the year. But, the further north you drove, the more you noticed how bucolic the setting became. After one cleared Englewood Cliffs (about 5 miles north of Fort Lee) it seemed to be endless verdant forest until you got to the quaint village of Nyack, the home of the Tappan Zee. It was like a breath of fresh air - literally.

The Malcolm Wilson-Tappan Zee Bridge

One of our neighbors was a boating enthusiast and owned a 42' cabin cruiser. A few times, they invited my family and I to join them for a trip up the Hudson. I'll never forget the feeling of sitting on the bow, wind in my face, as the apartment houses disappeared, replaced by the shear, rock-faced cliffs of the majestic Palisades. And, the further north we motored, the cleaner the water appeared to be. In fact, we were told that once we got past the TZ, the water would be clean enough to swim in! I remember how our neighbor and captain slowed the engines as we passed under the bridge. I marveled at the intricate weaving of the girders that supported the superstructure. We traveled a few miles north of the bridge to Nyack Beach State Park, nestled in the shadow of the awesome Hook Mountain, and spent the afternoon swimming. Little did we know at the time that the water there may not have been all that much cleaner than that in Fort Lee! Be that as it may, I'll never forget it.

In a bit of an ironic twist, I could never have known then that, many years later, I would eventually move from the sight of the GW to one of the TZ! Nearly 25 years after my first encounter with the Nyack area, a job brought me back - and, I never left.

The TZ Bridge

Now, the Tappan Zee Bridge has been declared obsolete, if not downright dangerous. As I write this post, the span has been closed, having been replaced by the state-of-the-art new span, featuring the best in the latest bridge technology. It is a magnificent new structure that is both delicate and powerful. It is to be called The Mario A. Cuomo Bridge. The old structure is to be demolished with many of its sections to be recycled.

The Mario A. Cuomo - Tappan Zee Bridge

For most of us who have known that bridge for more than 50 years, of course, there is a feeling of ambivalence: we are sad that a part of our youAdd captionth has past. But, we are pleased because a beautiful new, efficient bridge will take its place. Besides, the span may be gone (or, will be) but it can NEVER be forgotten - no matter what they call the new one.

All photos: F LoBuono

Today's MOSTLY TRUE SHORT STORY: A Chance Encounter

F LoBuono

He stands, smoking, with his back resting against the old steel railing that lines that section of South Broadway. He looks like he should be a member of a Southern rock band. Perhaps, he is. He wears his grey hair in a tight, neat ponytail. A droopy, fu manchu style mustache graces his otherwise clean-shaven face. He always dresses neatly in a perfectly pressed oxford print shirt and crisp jeans.

My dog Rexie and I pass him regularly on our frequent sojourns from by apartment and into the village. He always takes time in between drags on his cigarette to give us a smile and proper greeting. We return the pleasantries. But, we have never gone any further. I don't even know his name.

However, this day was different. It was a spectacular, early fall afternoon when I decided to take Rexie for a walk into town. Our friend was in his usually spot, toking on his cigarette when we approached.

Lovely day, I said.

Sure is, he responded.

I added, if we want weather like this everyday, we might have to move to San Diego.

Then he said, yeah, that's true. But, then you wouldn't get the Winter. THIS is the best place to live - because it has everything.

I had the feeling that he was talking about more than just the weather.

I paused for a moment, smiled. and replied, you're right my friend. I guess that's why we've chosen to live here.

He nodded and smiled in return. And, then we continued on our way.

Today's MOZEN: When Will It End?!

F LoBuono

My sentiments on guns and violence are well documented. For those unfamiliar, here it is: when we stop WORSHIPING both, people will stop dying.

And, it's not just the NRA.

When we STOP sending our children to violent movies, it will end.

When we STOP buying our children violent video games, it will end.

When we STOP depicting our heroes with a gun in their hands and replace it with a pen, it will end.

When we STOP electing officials who line their pockets with the money from gun lobbyists, it will end.

When we STOP praying for the victims of gun violence and start doing something about, it will end.

Until then, we are doomed to repeat the endless cycle of violence.