Today's MOZEN: There is NO Excuse

F LoBuono

In light of what is absolutely dominating the Internet on the subject of sexual abuse, I am compelled to respond.

As a man raised by two "old world" parents who CONSTANTLY reminded me that ALL women are to be respected on ALL levels, ALL of the time, I am completely appalled by the amount of women who have reported some type of sexual abuse in their lives. But, unfortunately, not surprised.

Although I have never assaulted a woman, I have been aware of it, and done nothing, chalking the abuse up to male hi-jnks, experimentation, and other lame excuses - hearing others often blaming the woman herself - the drunk bitch deserved it. But, there is no excuse. If I knew then what I know now, I surely would have done something. Still, for this, I will always bear some shame.

The challenge for a man, as a being within the animal kingdom with a mission to procreate, is that there is an eternal, inner drive to mate. And, we are always looking for the signs to do so; a verbal expression, a suggestive glance, or an enticing moment that encourages us to precede.  However, we are creatures who think and feel. So, this should not be seen as a license or excuse to engage in abhorrent behavior. Men must understand that there are consequences to our actions. We must strike a balance between the two worlds. Both are powerful emotions and the wrestling match between them is an on-going struggle. I know. I deal with it - as does every other man. We cajole a little here, suggest a little there - but, to a POINT! The key, I believe, is to understand when enough is enough -NO means NO. Flirting is one thing. Abuse is another. Biology can NEVER be an excuse for deviant activities.

And, I always knew the difference

Because I was taught so.

Unfortunately, many of my friends either were not, or ignored the lesson.

My father would REGULARLY take a few moments, especially after an argument with my mother, to say, Frankie, women will make you mad. They know all of the right buttons to push to bring you right to the edge. You'll be so angry that you'll want to strike. Don't. Simply don't. You can never accomplish anything by striking a woman. EVER. And, always be a gentleman when you court a woman (yes, he was that old-fashioned and used that term). Never take advantage of a woman. EVER.

My mother, the inimitable Stella, had her own approach. Every time she knew that I was about to go out on a date, she would grab me just before I left to say, Frankie, remember, you have a mother and a sister. I would respond: what the hell does that mean? You know EXACTLY what that means, was her standard response.

 And, I did.

Parents, teach your children well - especially your boys.

The staggering amount of women who have expressed the fact that they were sexual assaulted on some level is shocking, simply shocking. How could it have taken this long for us to get this far?

So, ladies, as if my apology could possibly make a difference, I still must say how deeply sorry I am for all that you have endured. There are honorable men. And, the fact that we are even having this conversation is a sign that we can be better - we will be better.