Today's MOZEN: Becoming a Big Person

F LoBuono

Man, I was down. I mean I was lower than whale shit. The woman I had every intention of spending my life with had seen the light, changed her mind, and left me. It wasn't the first time and, unfortunately, it wouldn't be the last, either. I suppose that I'm a glutton for punishment. Be that as it may, I was a hurtin' cowboy. And, it showed. I walked around wearing my sorrow like an old, cheap, wrinkled suit.

At the time, I was working as a producer/reporter for the local cable company in West Nyack, N.Y. It was my first job in television and provided me with the necessary experience to build my career. But, it was small potatoes. I mean you couldn't get more basic for production facilities. We didn't even have our own space. We shared a garage-type building with a company called Tidy Car that undercoated vehicles to prevent rusting.

You can imagine the type of chemicals they were using for their product. I think it would be safe to call many of the ingredients toxic. On days that they were very busy, the noxious orders would get so bad that we would have to evacuate our side of the building. But, hey, it was a living!

One of the men who worked for Tidy Car was a middle-aged black man named Henry. Henry always had a good word whenever you encountered him. He had a deep voice that had a hint of Southern molasses mixed in. It gave me the impression that he had probably grown up there, although I didn't know for sure. But, whatever his circumstances, he was a jovial fellow.

Another thing that I remember about Henry were his eyes. They were always terribly blood shot. I mean it looked like you could train a pint of blood out of each one! Perhaps, Henry was a "hard liver" and drank too much on his down time. But, I always attributed it to the fact that he was exposed so directly to those toxic fumes. If it was harsh enough for us to evacuate from the other side of the building, one can only imagine the deleterious effects on someone right on top of them - hour after hour, day after day. One thing was for certain, it didn't get Henry down. He always had something positive to say.

One day, in the midst of my misery, I needed a short break from work. I just wanted a few minutes away from my office to go into the fresh air where I could collect my thoughts and, quite frankly, get my shit together. There was a little patch of woods adjacent to our parking lot where I found a little shade and a rock to sit on. As I sat there alone, contemplating the depth of my misery, Henry noticed and walked over. When I saw him coming my way, I hopped up, hoping that he wouldn't notice what bad shape I was in. Well, he did. And, then he said something strange to me:

Young man, you are going to be SO BIG someday, whoo hee, yes sir!

It took me completely by surprise and I had no idea what he meant.

Hello, Henry. Waz up? I replied.

Then he said: you don't know it now. In fact, you won't believe it NOW. But, someday, you are going to be a BIG PERSON.

I looked at him in disbelief: Henry, that's just crazy. I just couldn't be any lower than I am right now. I may never get over this!, I cried.

That's the point, my friend. You are being tested. Everyone gets tested in their lives. Those people of character who survive use that experience to grow into more complete humans, capable of tremendous compassion. If you can just hang in there, you will be one of those people.

Henry didn't say another word. He patted me on the back and just walked away.

At first, I just kind of dismissed it as the ramblings of some crazy, old black man. I mean, after all, he was inhaling all of that toxic junk all day long. Maybe, it had gone to his brain.  I dragged my sorry ass back into the building.

But, I just keeping hearing his words, over and over again: someday, you are going to be a BIG PERSON. Eventually, they started to sink in. Henry didn't mean BIG in a physical or economic way. He meant it in an emotional way. If I could overcome the pain associated with that tremendous sense of loss, it would put me in a position of REAL power - as a person who leads with the compassion that only comes with perseverance based on personal experience. In times of trouble, people would look to me to guide them through their own wilderness. And, you can't get any BIGGER than that.

Eventually, our studio moved into swanky new digs and, I believe, that Tidy Car went out of business. After our move, I never saw Henry again. But, I'll never forget him, or the words of encouragement that he gave me when I need them so desperately. I could only imagine the indignities he suffered before becoming a BIG PERSON himself. I honor him by returning the favor to others.