Today's MOZEN: Life is but a Dream

Words and photo by F LoBuono

Perhaps, it's just me. But, I think not. I believe that it may be something we all experience at one time or another in our lives. After a refreshingly cool shower on a hot summer's eve, I thought I'd give myself a nice, quick shave. After scraping my face clean, I checked my reflection in the mirror to see if I might have missed a spot or two. When I did there was a moment where I didn't recognize myself - literally. And, I don't mean because I suddenly realized that I have aged. At 60, I certainly don't look as I did when I was twenty. My beard is virtually all white and my hair is streaked with grey. I have more lines on my face than an old road map and if my eyes where any darker you wouldn't be able to see them at all. But, this is not what I mean. Aging is a process that I am comfortable with. It is nature's way. This was something different. I looked deeply into my own face and felt; is this real? Am I real? Or, is this all just some grand illusion.?

I have written previously about my strong ego. In fact, there are times when I feel like I'm tripping all over it. However, on balance, my ego is a healthy one. I know who I am and what I am good at and what I am not. At least, until that moment, I did. But, for those few seconds I felt like I was standing outside of myself looking in. I thought; WHO am I? And, How do others see me? It was so strange - like one of the dreams when you know that you are dreaming but it doesn't seem to make a difference. The line between reality and perception was completely blurred. I wondered if all I had done with my life up to this point mattered. And, I don't mean that in a negative way. Once again, I questioned if it REALLY happened at all. Perhaps, life is nothing more THAN a dream. What if I am really in some type of coma or altered state and all that I have experienced simply happened in my head? Sometimes, our dreams are SO real that we have a hard time believing that what happens in them is not! Therefore, who is to truly say what is reality and what is not.

This is a theme that has been explored many time in the past by social scientists, psychiatrists, and writers. Perhaps, Aldous Huxley's brilliant work, The Doors of Perception (1954), is the most famous treatment of the concept of an altered state, i.e. what is real and what is imaginary.Although Huxley used psychotropic drugs to trigger the experience, his motivation was not to get "high". Rather, it was to discover if there was another, alternative existence - one that does not meet the eye. Jacob's Ladder, a 1990 film directed by Adrian Lynne and starring Tim Robbins, also attempts to define the line between reality and perception. Robbin's character, Jacob Singer, is a Vietnam vet struggling with PTSD. The film constantly puts Singer in situations where he (and the audience) have no idea if what he is experiencing is real or a figment of PTSD fueled imagination.

After a few more seconds of reflection, I shook my head and brought myself back to the there and then. I finished drying myself off, applied some lotion to my face and body, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, dressed, and got back to the reality of earning a living.